You and I are very close in age (I’ll be 43 in April), and this brought back so many memories. I remember when my (now husband) got his own landline number in his room right after we graduated college and I no longer had to have those awkward conversations with his mom or be tortured by his older brother. And oh, the notes. I still have a binder full of notes written to me in high school.
My daughter is 13, and yet to enter into the world of “dating,” but I can’t imagine. And, right now, she has no Snapchat. So I guess maybe no dating for her. Lol.
The binder notes is so amazing! You should absolutely unearth some amazing lines and share them with us, I bet there's pure poetry in there! Let us know how it goes when Snapchat enters the equation!
I’ve often shared “I could never survive middle/highschool today with social media”. The lack of mystery is fascinating to witness for those on my feeds who hide nothing and share almost everything, if not visually, but with their words too. Sometimes I know more about people I’ve never met in real life vs my best friends. These non mystery people allow so much to be known and I think their comfort level and personalities have adapted to the technology because they enjoy the positive/negative feedback. For me mystery is on a scale, as are most things with humans, and where you land aligns with your longings. For those who adore the mysteriousness I think we just need to find those who love the mystery life as much as we do and if they are true to their ways they might not be easy to find.
Meredith you hit the nail on the head with this idea, that it IS so fascinating to witness, to have a front row seat to so much that so many people we hardly know are experiencing. What a bizarre thing. Your closing statement was beautiful and right on the mark.
Wow. This really hit me in a tender spot today and I am in tears. I can't even explain why. And then Spotify didn't want to play the song for me [frustration] It told me it didn't exist! ... I had to find the album and hear it from there. ... the song made me cry some more.
I miss it too, I have for a long time, and I do get sad for younger generations often. I'm sure every generation does that, but I really do wish they had a glimpse of the way things were before everyone was constantly connected at all times, saying so much without saying anything at all.
…not to rain in the parade (but i probably will come across that way) but the desire of “mystery” which i am picking up from your essay is less of “knowing“ and “connecting” more of “controlling” and “owning”. The quote that popped into my head was…”You can have anything you want in life, you just can’t have everything you want.” But that could just be my cynical side coming out. I was pondering this morning a question from a nephew yesterday of whether I prefer “loneliness” or “solitude”. Snarky question, right? I decided that I prefer “solidarity” with any environment that connects with me (or I with it) whether that is other people, being with nature, or just a book in my room. Why does it have to be any other way all the time? Perhaps the language to connect is less important than the interest and effort. So, no… having lived a lifetime of different lifestyles, I fear no loss of mystery as long as I have a mind to connect with… anything. btw; I did love the haiku. It took me to a different place than the essay.
Kevin, I guess I don't really see what you're saying about the knowing and connecting vs. controlling and owning? I don't think anything I wrote in the essay was about controlling or owning anything. The loss of mystery I was speaking of, is more about the unearthing of truths in people that you're getting to know, the slow reveal of all that makes them the unique people they are. In my experience, this hyper-connectedness has done away with a lot of that, and while everyone is constantly "saying" more through all their snapchat photos, emojis, etc, they're not really saying much of anything at all most of the time. I don't see at all the parallel between wanting some of that mystery to stay, and wanting to control or own anything? Yeah, I'd love to understand more of what you're getting at here, because I don't see what you saw at all, but would love to know what that is.
Sorry if i failed to make my reaction understandable. Your writing is so lyrical and imaginative, perhaps I was lured away. I meant to convey that we go thru life consuming mysteries as thought they are challenges to be conquered. Once conquered and controlled, we move on. Maybe my mind went contrarian because I dont see any difference in modern life to the time I grew up in the 60’s. How we connect is less important to me. And i should be more careful using possessive nouns, as connecting or understanding with another person is ( for me) the same as connecting with nature or a book. Perhaps my mistake is assuming that there is always an end to the mystery “after the slow reveal “. Thats where my point about conquest and controlling comes in. When we reveal a mystery, in a sense, we lose interest because we have solved / conquered it and now control the passion of the search… until next time. Its a great discussion point though.
No need to apologies. Appreciate the clarification on this, as it's an interesting take. I re-read all I wrote and looked for any inference to the controlling or conquering that you're talking about, and couldn't find it anywhere. I even mention in the essay the mystery that is still my wife. She'll always remain this, as I don't believe it is, or should be, a "conquerable" thing. I see the whole point of the essay as the way things are going now, the technological advances, the CONSTANT connection, IS trying to kill that mystery, it IS conquering it, and that's why I worry about younger people. They know every detail of someone, "talk" to them for weeks, then once they see it all, they back out and run away.
I love all your reminiscing here, brings back memories. I assume I'm about a gen ahead of you, yet I still had the same experiences, coming of age. My kids were born in '85 and '91, and between the two of them, my older did not have the 'smart phone' experience growing up and my younger did. The changes are coming faster and faster. I work in a place that serves families with infants and toddlers, and seeing two year old experts on smart phones breaks my heart every day. I remember reading letters my mom would write to her family members when she was raising us kids, and they were about simple things - what flowers were blooming in the yard, what new recipes she was trying. I believe the Mystery is ever present, boundless, all the Omni's. How we tap in is up to us. Are kids missing out on that? Not sure but let's keep modelling it for them, just in case. : )
Ah, yeah I was born in 1981 and I didn't have my first mobile phone until I was a sophomore in college. You're right, we have to keep modeling the right way to approach all this, we just have to show them.
My heart aches for these kids and for my son, if things stay the same in regards to social media and smart phones by the time he is dating. There is so much heaviness to this post but it is an important topic; thank you for diving into it with us, Tyler. When I was in high school, social media was in its infancy and didn't play too much of a role in the world of dating, other than maybe playing Farmville with a crush lol, but I cannot imagine what it is like these days. Layer in gossip and rumors and deep fakes..... these poor kids, do they even stand a chance??
You're so welcome, I always want to make sure I dive into not just the happy/light topics, but also the heavy/dark ones. This weighed me down, and I wanted to address it. I'm so glad you found it that way.
Although I'm much younger than you, I'm still old enough to share this ache. To remember the magic and mystery of my youth and how it shaped me. Longing is it. It's exactly it. It's the thing that drives everything I do creatively. And maybe it's the reason I can never fully give myself over to technology and apps and social media...because I still long for the magic that once was. I don't think the magic will ever fade. There will always be people who go against the grain and challenge the status quo. Probably a lot of which are part of this community. We just have to keep those kinds of people in our lives. We have to seek them out, nurture those relationships. Mystery and magic are inherent to the universe. All we have to do is pay attention.
You and I are very close in age (I’ll be 43 in April), and this brought back so many memories. I remember when my (now husband) got his own landline number in his room right after we graduated college and I no longer had to have those awkward conversations with his mom or be tortured by his older brother. And oh, the notes. I still have a binder full of notes written to me in high school.
My daughter is 13, and yet to enter into the world of “dating,” but I can’t imagine. And, right now, she has no Snapchat. So I guess maybe no dating for her. Lol.
The binder notes is so amazing! You should absolutely unearth some amazing lines and share them with us, I bet there's pure poetry in there! Let us know how it goes when Snapchat enters the equation!
I’ve often shared “I could never survive middle/highschool today with social media”. The lack of mystery is fascinating to witness for those on my feeds who hide nothing and share almost everything, if not visually, but with their words too. Sometimes I know more about people I’ve never met in real life vs my best friends. These non mystery people allow so much to be known and I think their comfort level and personalities have adapted to the technology because they enjoy the positive/negative feedback. For me mystery is on a scale, as are most things with humans, and where you land aligns with your longings. For those who adore the mysteriousness I think we just need to find those who love the mystery life as much as we do and if they are true to their ways they might not be easy to find.
Meredith you hit the nail on the head with this idea, that it IS so fascinating to witness, to have a front row seat to so much that so many people we hardly know are experiencing. What a bizarre thing. Your closing statement was beautiful and right on the mark.
Wow. This really hit me in a tender spot today and I am in tears. I can't even explain why. And then Spotify didn't want to play the song for me [frustration] It told me it didn't exist! ... I had to find the album and hear it from there. ... the song made me cry some more.
Maybe I'll find some clarity. Maybe not.
A wonderful piece ... I miss the mystery.
I miss it too, I have for a long time, and I do get sad for younger generations often. I'm sure every generation does that, but I really do wish they had a glimpse of the way things were before everyone was constantly connected at all times, saying so much without saying anything at all.
…not to rain in the parade (but i probably will come across that way) but the desire of “mystery” which i am picking up from your essay is less of “knowing“ and “connecting” more of “controlling” and “owning”. The quote that popped into my head was…”You can have anything you want in life, you just can’t have everything you want.” But that could just be my cynical side coming out. I was pondering this morning a question from a nephew yesterday of whether I prefer “loneliness” or “solitude”. Snarky question, right? I decided that I prefer “solidarity” with any environment that connects with me (or I with it) whether that is other people, being with nature, or just a book in my room. Why does it have to be any other way all the time? Perhaps the language to connect is less important than the interest and effort. So, no… having lived a lifetime of different lifestyles, I fear no loss of mystery as long as I have a mind to connect with… anything. btw; I did love the haiku. It took me to a different place than the essay.
Kevin, I guess I don't really see what you're saying about the knowing and connecting vs. controlling and owning? I don't think anything I wrote in the essay was about controlling or owning anything. The loss of mystery I was speaking of, is more about the unearthing of truths in people that you're getting to know, the slow reveal of all that makes them the unique people they are. In my experience, this hyper-connectedness has done away with a lot of that, and while everyone is constantly "saying" more through all their snapchat photos, emojis, etc, they're not really saying much of anything at all most of the time. I don't see at all the parallel between wanting some of that mystery to stay, and wanting to control or own anything? Yeah, I'd love to understand more of what you're getting at here, because I don't see what you saw at all, but would love to know what that is.
Sorry if i failed to make my reaction understandable. Your writing is so lyrical and imaginative, perhaps I was lured away. I meant to convey that we go thru life consuming mysteries as thought they are challenges to be conquered. Once conquered and controlled, we move on. Maybe my mind went contrarian because I dont see any difference in modern life to the time I grew up in the 60’s. How we connect is less important to me. And i should be more careful using possessive nouns, as connecting or understanding with another person is ( for me) the same as connecting with nature or a book. Perhaps my mistake is assuming that there is always an end to the mystery “after the slow reveal “. Thats where my point about conquest and controlling comes in. When we reveal a mystery, in a sense, we lose interest because we have solved / conquered it and now control the passion of the search… until next time. Its a great discussion point though.
No need to apologies. Appreciate the clarification on this, as it's an interesting take. I re-read all I wrote and looked for any inference to the controlling or conquering that you're talking about, and couldn't find it anywhere. I even mention in the essay the mystery that is still my wife. She'll always remain this, as I don't believe it is, or should be, a "conquerable" thing. I see the whole point of the essay as the way things are going now, the technological advances, the CONSTANT connection, IS trying to kill that mystery, it IS conquering it, and that's why I worry about younger people. They know every detail of someone, "talk" to them for weeks, then once they see it all, they back out and run away.
I love all your reminiscing here, brings back memories. I assume I'm about a gen ahead of you, yet I still had the same experiences, coming of age. My kids were born in '85 and '91, and between the two of them, my older did not have the 'smart phone' experience growing up and my younger did. The changes are coming faster and faster. I work in a place that serves families with infants and toddlers, and seeing two year old experts on smart phones breaks my heart every day. I remember reading letters my mom would write to her family members when she was raising us kids, and they were about simple things - what flowers were blooming in the yard, what new recipes she was trying. I believe the Mystery is ever present, boundless, all the Omni's. How we tap in is up to us. Are kids missing out on that? Not sure but let's keep modelling it for them, just in case. : )
Ah, yeah I was born in 1981 and I didn't have my first mobile phone until I was a sophomore in college. You're right, we have to keep modeling the right way to approach all this, we just have to show them.
My heart aches for these kids and for my son, if things stay the same in regards to social media and smart phones by the time he is dating. There is so much heaviness to this post but it is an important topic; thank you for diving into it with us, Tyler. When I was in high school, social media was in its infancy and didn't play too much of a role in the world of dating, other than maybe playing Farmville with a crush lol, but I cannot imagine what it is like these days. Layer in gossip and rumors and deep fakes..... these poor kids, do they even stand a chance??
You're so welcome, I always want to make sure I dive into not just the happy/light topics, but also the heavy/dark ones. This weighed me down, and I wanted to address it. I'm so glad you found it that way.
Although I'm much younger than you, I'm still old enough to share this ache. To remember the magic and mystery of my youth and how it shaped me. Longing is it. It's exactly it. It's the thing that drives everything I do creatively. And maybe it's the reason I can never fully give myself over to technology and apps and social media...because I still long for the magic that once was. I don't think the magic will ever fade. There will always be people who go against the grain and challenge the status quo. Probably a lot of which are part of this community. We just have to keep those kinds of people in our lives. We have to seek them out, nurture those relationships. Mystery and magic are inherent to the universe. All we have to do is pay attention.