Sometimes this is what it is to be me. Sometimes this is my mind, an autistic mess of a thing that slams against the walls that this world builds, not understanding I wish to enter, not understanding that if let in, I will try my best to make things better. I war against myself, and I do so often, I don’t mean to do this, but I do it, and then feel exhausted when the battle only I’ve fought has ended, if for a time.
We are people made of a million different parts, we are allowed this, we are allowed to battle against ourselves, war with pieces perhaps long since quiet inside. We are allowed to do this thing called life however we wish. I hope we see this. Also, stay tuned for the big Signal Fire changes in frequency, format, etc. I’m working out the best way to hit all the marks for all of you beautiful souls, working on tweaking what’s free, what’s the fun extras behind the tiny little paid subscription wall, all that good stuff. Changes are afoot, and I’m excited as hell for what’s to come. For you, and for me. If you dig this Typewriter Series poem, let me know in the comments below! I’d love to start discussions based on the poems, and I’d love to answer any questions you may have about the writing of them!
All fire and impact and
the frivolous nature of siege.
My mind, a battering ramÂ
against the locked gates
the world constructs,
shaking bridge over moat
and stone. Â
I wail at the oil and pour,
dance aflame when
fire meets it,Â
I shout against solid oak
and convince myself
of cracking board,
of eventual entry.
Stand on the ramparts
and watch the war
against myself,
throw down a rope
and let meÂ
climb.
-Tyler Knott Gregson-
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It's the jangle that I have at times, then I pause, breathe and listen. Love this.
I feel this. I just expressed to a friend, "I've been in a state of bone deep weariness and I need to somehow recover something I feel like I lost along the way. This year is wrecking me...I just somehow make it look like less of a mess than how it feels." and I feel like you said it a lot better....but the struggle is present and real and ongoing. Breathing through it....