Some days it’s as if I’m in the emptiness and loneliness and have lost hope that there is anything better. On the days I don’t feel that way, it’s terrifying to think about going back.
I’ve settled so often in life - in my former marriage, in countless jobs… now that I’m in a properly fulfilling relationship and job, where it’s hard to imagine there could be anything more perfect for me, I see with perfect hindsight just how unsettled that settling made me.
When I look back it feels wrong to say I have regrets about certain decisions. I married young and was oh so naive. It only took 4 years for me to realize it wasn’t likely to last. But I’d had a child, and my own childhood was filled with wonderful memories and an intact and loving marriage between my parents. Until theirs wasn’t. I came through the divorce at 12 in a healthier way than my brother who was 2.5 yrs older. But I could not imagine the thought of another woman raising my girls part time. So I stayed. Another 20 years. Teetering on the ledge of hope that something would change. I’d feel better. One day I looked in the mirror and didn’t know who was looking back. I really didn’t know her anymore. There’s more to my story and I’ve been alone for close to a decade. Celibate for nearly 6 years. I’m ok, then I’m not. Back and forth in a lonely yet not always existence. Sometimes I revel in the independence I was born with, my ability to be with myself. And others I’m lost in an ocean of tears, wishing my person would materialize. I wholeheartedly agree with you, Tyler. Settling is not an option. Yet now it’s another precarious ledge I find myself on, in a different way this time. I’m eclipsed to even find words to explain it. So I’ll leave my rambling here and say thank you. Thanks for being a beacon for us. With love, always.
I cannot possibly love this - or agree with it - more. I settled. When I found myself pregnant at 18, a freshman in college, we got married and made it work, largely because my mom said I needed to quit school and move home. I was 19 when I had my son, and 21 when my daughter was born (and I was still in college). I stayed with him for 27 years, because I settled and was terrified of the unknown. I did the same with my job - stayed with a company for over 20 years because of the idea "It's better to stick with the devil you know vs. the one you don't." Now, 4 years later, I'm a very different person, I've found someone who loves me unconditionally and makes my soul vibrate, and I have a great job I love.
Don't waste time. Don't settle. Take the risks. Live your truth.
Some days it’s as if I’m in the emptiness and loneliness and have lost hope that there is anything better. On the days I don’t feel that way, it’s terrifying to think about going back.
There's always something better than what we're settling for. Always.
I’ve settled so often in life - in my former marriage, in countless jobs… now that I’m in a properly fulfilling relationship and job, where it’s hard to imagine there could be anything more perfect for me, I see with perfect hindsight just how unsettled that settling made me.
Wow, yes. Hindsight is a beautiful bastard of a thing.
Wish you had this podcast when I was in my late teens/early twenties! Still wise words for me in my mid-fifties.
I wish I did too! Never too late.
❣️
When I look back it feels wrong to say I have regrets about certain decisions. I married young and was oh so naive. It only took 4 years for me to realize it wasn’t likely to last. But I’d had a child, and my own childhood was filled with wonderful memories and an intact and loving marriage between my parents. Until theirs wasn’t. I came through the divorce at 12 in a healthier way than my brother who was 2.5 yrs older. But I could not imagine the thought of another woman raising my girls part time. So I stayed. Another 20 years. Teetering on the ledge of hope that something would change. I’d feel better. One day I looked in the mirror and didn’t know who was looking back. I really didn’t know her anymore. There’s more to my story and I’ve been alone for close to a decade. Celibate for nearly 6 years. I’m ok, then I’m not. Back and forth in a lonely yet not always existence. Sometimes I revel in the independence I was born with, my ability to be with myself. And others I’m lost in an ocean of tears, wishing my person would materialize. I wholeheartedly agree with you, Tyler. Settling is not an option. Yet now it’s another precarious ledge I find myself on, in a different way this time. I’m eclipsed to even find words to explain it. So I’ll leave my rambling here and say thank you. Thanks for being a beacon for us. With love, always.
Thank you for always being here, for being so open and receptive to these. Thank you for diving in.
I cannot possibly love this - or agree with it - more. I settled. When I found myself pregnant at 18, a freshman in college, we got married and made it work, largely because my mom said I needed to quit school and move home. I was 19 when I had my son, and 21 when my daughter was born (and I was still in college). I stayed with him for 27 years, because I settled and was terrified of the unknown. I did the same with my job - stayed with a company for over 20 years because of the idea "It's better to stick with the devil you know vs. the one you don't." Now, 4 years later, I'm a very different person, I've found someone who loves me unconditionally and makes my soul vibrate, and I have a great job I love.
Don't waste time. Don't settle. Take the risks. Live your truth.
Your final line sums it up so beautifully and succinctly. Stunning.