No Matter What Comes | 1.31.21
If this newsletter is one thing, it is optimistic. It’s this seed of hope and what I can only hope is light that finds you each morning, and if I am lucky, blossoms over the course of your day, your week, or even your month. I hope for this, me from behind this screen, me from this mountain in Montana, me from this keyboard reaching out to you, wherever you are. I know it’s optimistic, I know it’s probably even seen as naive to some who read it, and that is ok, because I truly believe it’s also rooted in a realism that comes from experience, and experience that came from learning lessons from a hell of a lot of failure, a hell of a lot of heartache, and a hell of a lot of waiting. Where I will argue, however, is that it’s only this, only optimistic. I think the true roots of this little signal fire are deeper, just as the words many misinterpret in my poetry, there is depth that if you don't go looking, you might miss. Today’s haiku below, is precisely this. On first reading, it seems as though I’m saying I am lucky to wake and that the simple act of greeting a new day is this rosy hued gem of a thing. Not so.
The final line of today’s haiku is the depth I speak of, is the pool that runs so deep the light won’t reach. “No matter what comes,” for me is the entire point of this newsletter, because I know what comes, I know what has come, I know what will one day come again. In Buddhism, we know that the very first of the Noble Truths is this: Life is suffering. This is not a negative or cynical view, it’s a simple truth. Life is suffering because of the Truths that follow, and we can get into those later, but basically we are attached to things and people in this life and eventually we will lose them. Life will hurt you, it will knock you down then kick you when you’re there. Life will steal what matters most and do so without a hesitation, it will rake you over the coals, it will silence your hope. If, and this is a big if, we can feel lucky to wake despite this, then we’re onto something beautiful. If we can call ourselves lucky not for the avoidance of hardships, but because of them, we can find reservoirs of strength in us that we never knew existed. THIS, is what I truly hope my newsletter is about, this kernel of immense ferocity that lives below the optimism, below the realism that says that one day, if not today, we will be on our knees in pain and sorrow. Find this, (I’ll help you) and we can count ourselves lucky every single day we wake.
Let’s begin.
So lucky to wake
and to greet another day,
no matter what comes.
Haiku on Life by Tyler Knott Gregson
Song of the Day
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So while I don't identify as a Buddhist myself, after reading this, I think I've come to follow some Buddhist thought all the same. When you speak of life being suffering, I think of my own life philosophy, an image of peaks and valleys...that life is an ongoing landscape where the valleys are the hard moments of suffering and struggle, the peaks those moments of elation and happiness we wish we could live in forever. But I guess my understanding of the point you're making...that "whatever comes" is that I've come to think of those valleys as a thing to suffer, yes....but also a challenge and a chance to level up and fight for the next cycle. I *get* to figure out the next steps, I have the privilege, if I live through it, to hike my way to the next peak, no matter how exhausting the climb. I lean deep into the work and I keep going because in the work is the growth. I think this post hit me this way today because last night I had a conversation with my husband and he told me one thing he loves about me is that I don't let anything defeat me. And I realized it's true, although I hadn't thought about it that way. No matter how deep the pit, as much as I accept the suffering, the challenge, and the pain of it, I will not curl into a ball and live there. I often take a seat, have a deep cathartic cry, and take a few breaths.....but then I get climbing. Sometimes the pattern of it...the ups and downs over time bring Sysiphus to mind.....but what the Existential philosophers got wrong is this: It's never the same climb. If you let the suffering teach you the lesson it came to deliver, you rise each time to the next apex a changed person. It's not an exercise in futility.... it's one of evolution. The flaw for poor Sysiphus is that he never knew he could be a phoenix, rising stronger each time. It changes the game when you're willing to let the fall and the climb change you. It becomes an alchemical journey to let the fire of suffering burn in the dark until you rise again in light.
Some thoughts about today’s topic— “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” is an old Buddhist saying that I personally am very fond of. What it means is that when you are badly hurt, a lot of the hurt is your reaction to something that has happened to you. Much hurt is aggravated because of how we react to things.
Here is a example: when my wife, Cathy, died prematurely at the age of, 55 I was devastated and didn’t know how I could go on. My Buddhist friend and mentor, who had known and loved Cathy as well, led me to the light. He taught me about the balance we need. Soon after the funeral, during my darkest hour, he rook me aside. Took my hands and looked deep into my eyes and told me what a beautiful person my wife had been and always would be. He reminisced about many wonderful times the three of us had experienced and saw these reminiscences as precious gifts. “Every time you are sad about her, remember something precious about her. When you look at the pain and the joy you had together, isn’t the joy the most important thing?”
Soon after Cathy’s death I was able to stop crying and, instead, broke out into a warm smile and felt her love whenever I thought of her. It still works after 21 years. It is her preciousness and the sadness as a bundle that is part of me. The pain was transformed into peace for ever. Remember also C.S. Lewis: “The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal.”
———
For Cathy
———
life’s sadness and joy —
our love was forever
then you passed away
there is still a happy end
we have not really parted