Maybe We Begin Again | 1.1.21
Here at the start of all things new, here at the fresh beginning to a fresh year, a 1 at the end of the date, a decade’s infancy, we still face things we’ve faced before. Here, at the onset, we still find ourselves looking backwards, we see our vision tunneled and we focus on the wrong things, a camera with a faulty lens, we see only unworthiness. I may seem (maybe, I actually don’t know how the hell I seem) like someone who has it together most of the time, like a bloke that gets it, but the truth is, I don’t. Truth is, while I avoid my own reflection in the mirror like I’m vampire and afraid of seeing nothing at all, I mostly feel unworthiness in myself. I don’t feel like I’ve earned the happiness, the love, the tiny amount of success I have had. I don’t feel worthy of the family I was given, the trust from those I respect. I feel constantly that I have work to do, on myself, on my attitude, on my point of view on this place.
I’m here to tell you, there is so much wrong with this. So much broken. We, all of we, blind ourselves to the beautiful bits of ourselves, we forget to appreciate the way we were made, the people we were born to be. I don’t know why we do this, I don’t know why we see flaws instead of things to be proud of, I don’t know why we focus on the work, rather than celebrate the work we’ve already done, but we do. Perhaps it’s time, now at the beginning of a new year, to fix this. Maybe this is the year we swap this, we focus on all we’ve gotten right, rather than all we’ve screwed up. Maybe we tell ourselves we’re worthy, and damn the rest. Maybe we begin, right now.
If you do, I will. If you don’t, I will anyway. Join me.
It's unworthiness
that we see and focus on.
We are blind to truth.
Haiku on Life by Tyler Knott Gregson
Song of the Day
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I think that whole exploration is part of why we exist ... separate, yet inextricably interconnected. I think we see mirrors of ourselves all around and when we see beauty in another, it's only our own beautiful self that holds the capacity to see them. We're all mirroring each other, for better or worse. So we can look for the worst and we'll find it....or seek out the best and there it is! We can look around at the ebb and flow around us and get super honest about the fact that we are ALL some blend of darkness and light and that every day is a choice of which to focus our gaze upon...but that both are worthy of love. That's why we're light chasers, isn't it? So we can seek the light on the days that we are able and lovingly bring it to those who cannot find it just now? And on our darkest days, know that someone else will try to bring the light so we can find our way out of the pit? Peaks and valleys is the terrain, and sometimes we just have to find someone who needs a reminder that they are loved, loveable, and just need to cast their eyes up...so they can reach for the hand ready to help them take the next step. My wish for this new year is that we all remember our interconnection. That we drop into our heartspace and act from loving humanity. Because when everything else falls away, that's the most precious thing we have to give. The rest isn't real.
I think especially after the struggles of 2020, this is the right mindset. Let’s focus on the strength, resilience, and beauty this last year brought out and use the forced slowdown in life to appreciate and love ourselves. Thank you for the words. Happy New Year!