Recently I spoke at great length, and many of you responded and I’m so thankful for that, about the death of mystery. I said that the internets, the social medias, the iPhones, the Androids, the Apple Vision Pros, the whatevers and whatevers that cost a mortgage payment to acquire, may have effectively destroyed mystery, and in doing so, caused a cataclysmic shift in the way we date and eventually find the people we love. It was an essay I loved writing, truly, as it’s something that’s been scaring me as I watch teenagers try their very best to navigate a landscape that I am half-unfamiliar with, and half-all-too-familiar with. I grew up without all the distractions that pull us from the life we should be living, but now I understand them, and they distract me too, only later, only after I found the one I needed to find to live a life of joy.
Watching these teenagers hopscotch their way through adolescence has given me a front row seat on so many things I never thought I’d actually be able to witness, as I never knew if my Autism would be a thing that would prevent me from being any kind of father, step, or otherwise. Luckily, Lady G did the hard work and then so graciously allowed me to dive headfirst into the roll of stepdad, to try to learn as I go, to fail more than succeed, and still be allowed to come back the next day. It has been a ride of rollercoaster proportions, and I am quite positive both kids have somehow absorbed some lessons from me, mostly the importance of curse words and always standing up for yourself, sometimes about being kind despite it all. Nevertheless, the genesis of the “death of mystery” was these kids and their trials and tribulations as high school students, and today, I’m going to add another rantservation (a Rant born from Observation, see?) that was born from the exact same place. Today, I want to talk about the death of boredom.
To do so properly, I must first speak about what it was when I was a kid, though those years seem almost too far away now to even understand. To go forward, sometimes, we must first go back.
Friday was for football games (American football, as true football is what we call soccer, but for brevity sake I’m going to call football in this essay, unfortunately), this was a fact indisputable. I hate football, I’ve always hated watching football. This never mattered. We watched football because it was a Friday, and football happened on Fridays, and in a small town like Helena, Montana, not many things happened on Fridays, or ever, and so when something did, we all went. All of us. Band kids, theater kids, jocks, nerds, stoners, cheerleaders, math-aletes, it didn’t matter, we all bundled up and bounced on the aluminum bleachers and screamed into those Friday night lights like the game actually mattered, like something bigger that we couldn’t put our finger on, depended on the outcome.
There were basketball games too, soccer games, random open-mic nights at little coffee shops, concerts for the Ska bands of our friends that were mostly terrible and held in ramshackle back-rooms of local bagel joints, and I’ll be damned if there weren’t high school dances.
Oh the dances. Homecoming, to MORP (prom backwards you see, the ladies “got” to ask the fellas), to Winter Formal, the the big kahuna…PROM. Everyone went to the dances. Ok, maybe not everyone, but that sweaty gymnasium with that middle-aged DJ pumping out everything from Nelly to the Eagle’s slow dance classic Desperado, was absolutely packed. I know they had the clichè punch bowl table, but hell if I ever stopped dancing long enough to see it. We all went, because it was something, it was something, finally, to do. This was the way of things, and it extended from the great heights of Prom to the more subdued release of movies like Twister in the theaters, the ‘what’ never mattering, as long as it was something we could all do, something to stave off the boredom that settled into all the gaps between these rare, these cherished marquee events.
What then, if boredom goes? What would have happened if we never felt that boredom creep in, if we never felt a single pang of apprehension, because everything we could ever imagine was already right in front of us? Sarah’s kids are juniors and sophomores in high school, and up to this point, have only attended a single dance (begrudgingly), and maybe 2 football or basketball games between them in the collective years they’ve been in high school. Total. On weekends, 9 times out of 10, neither makes plans with their friends, for even when they want to, 9 times out of 10, their friends prefer to stay home.
When we were young, staying home was the ultimate punishment. We were only home if grounded, and being grounded was devastating in a way we couldn’t even articulate to our parents. They held that above us like Death with his scythe, a looming reminder of the power they held. Not grounded, we’d beg and bargain, anything but being locked in at home. Now, it’s teeth pulling and excuses and a million reasons to stay in. Now it’s 4 hours of some evening gone in a puff of smoke, in a half-blink, stolen away by endless scrolling of TikTok, of a million selfies sent out at random on Snapchat. Now, in the palm of a hand any movie can be streamed, any game played, any song listened to instantly. The wait is gone, the anticipation that was always the key, gone.
Now, with developments in spacial computing, with Apple Vision Pro, which terrifyingly is the worst iteration of what will surely only get faster, smaller, better, people will never again have to be away from their own highly curated ecosystems, soon, everyone could be wearing strange ski goggles and pinching invisible air to make their movie screens larger, if only for them, if only in the privacy of their own little world. Already, kids stay in more than they go out, they say no so much more often than they say yes, they don’t need that connection that we were all so desperate for, because they’re always connected.
When no one needs to do anything, everyone does nothing.
This is what I see, and perhaps it’s not the same where you are, perhaps you don’t see what I see, and I hope this is the case. I’ve seen boredom die here, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, as there’s always some glowing light waiting just inside the pocket of their jeans, every friend, every video, every dancing lip-syncing nonsensical bit of nothing that fills up their brains to the tipping point, then spills over and saturates their entire day.
Friday night lights and so few choose to go, Prom and it’s harder to get anyone to care, and I wonder if it’s this way now, where will it be in another 10 years, in 20, in 50? What becomes of so many things when boredom dies?
What, when everyone does nothing?
You tell me. Please…tell me.
To all things we went,
thrust ourselves into it all.
Why now do they stay?
Sorry to be a “provocateur” here, but while this essay is not petty, and continues a focus on an important theme (mysteries of modern society), perhaps “the ‘lad’ doth protest too much, methinks”. I would add it to life’s many unanswered questions, most of which we are not entitled to be answered. We, mere mortals, are expected to live, experience, and be enthralled with its mysteries. And in the random distribution of privilege and health, an essay on the boredom of never leaving home perhaps looks past the growing numbers of those who have no home, no family, questionable health, and wander continuously in and out of our world. The semi-hidden, mostly ignored souls, who still have dreams, goals, and energy to live life as best they can. To reminisce on memories of “different times” is sweet and sincere. We all do that. But there is really nothing MAGA about the past, present, or future. It is what it is/was/will be. Even though I am now among the “elderly “ by definition, there is an internal alarm that goes off if and when I start to lament about the past (other than wishes for more energy and less confusion). And I do try to be present in my appreciation for the wonder that each day can bring ( again, sorry to drone in a common theme). So as not be preachy here, it would be my wish for each generation ( or better yet , individual) to be more curious than sensitive about life, and live our own meaning, nestled at the heart of the mystery. Or maybe not. I don’t care if you walk on my lawn…
Kevin, always appreciate your insight, and it's interesting that my meaning is often being interpreted so differently from what I meant and intended. I remember our little debate about the "controlling and owning" a few weeks back. In this post, I think again what I was driving at may have gotten misconstrued, as you're saying exactly what I was trying to say...that the mysteries ARE so important, that we should be enthralled by them, that we should celebrate them, and my worry is, if the kids have access to everything instantly, that mystery begins to fade with the boredom. Nothing I was saying has anything to do with those who have no home, no family, or questionable health, and I don't see the essay I wrote being about the random distribution of privilege. It was about how I am watching, in very real time, people all over actively choosing a virtual world in which they experience it alone, OVER everything else. And I think sometimes, a lament about the past when the present is so clearly going in a scary direction, is not only important, but unavoidable. All of the numbers show that we're dealing with a mental health crisis we've never before faced, especially with our young people, so without looking back for clues, we cannot look Forward with answers. Your final statement again touches on what was the true meaning of my whole essay, and also what I was wanting, for kids to be more intimately connected with the great amazing mysterious beautiful world around them, and those beautiful souls they share it with, not just the bells and whistles of the latest device in their hand.
It is almost unfair how these kids don’t have to wait for their song to come on the radio to hear it or wait a week (or even an entire summer!) to see the next episode of the show they like. Do I also like these “modern conveniences”? Sure. But I agree that things have changed.
Hahah, I remember sitting by the radio for HOURS with my fingers hovered around the Record button on the tape deck, HOPING they'd play my song. Wow.
I graduated from high school in 1984. I did not go to proms or games because I was not in any 'in' crowd and it was socially painful for me even to attend high school, let alone any other associated activities. My kids were born in 85 and 91, and neither of them attended school activities after middle school because they both developed severe symptoms of co-occurring brain disorders which took over their social lives. Neither of them, now, spend a lot of time in artificial worlds (internet, VR etc) and they are both, in their 30s, rebuilding lives that will sustain them. My dad grew up in Westby MT in the 40s and 50s (a graduating class of EIGHT). As a kid, I went to town fairs with my family in Westby, absolutely everyone knew each other, and the activities were things like greased pole climbing contests and burlap sack races. Big fun was had by all. We have gone through so much change in a short amount of time. I think we need to keep investing our time and energy into "the commons" for young people, so they have options of connecting IRL. A provocative post today, thank you!
Ahh this is such insight, and I appreciate it so much. The ability to see how others live, how they found their way, is HUGE to understanding this collective experience, so this is invaluable. I so agree, we need to keep investing in the commons, the basics, and give kids a chance to see they are so very not alone.
Boredom breeds creativity. And in todays world I think it's a luxury of sorts. I can't help but wonder if kids these days are obsessed with technology because they feel behind their peers if they don't stay on top of the latest tech. The world is changing with a greater pace than we have seen. I have big complicated feels about all of this. The hopeful optimist in me hopes in the future this tech obsession will bring more inclusion for people with different abilities. Sight to the blind, exoskeletons for the paralyzed ect. That capitalism will become more optimized and give way to a world of more creativity and art and togetherness. Only time will tell.
You nailed my exact thoughts with your opening line. Boredom breeds creativity, and I honestly can speak to that. Addie used to create SO MUCH art, so much art, she'd spend hours, and since the phone came, all that's gone. I cannot remember the last time she did. Here's to optimism despite all the reasons against it. I think we'll be ok eventually.
OMG YES! When I became a stepparent to my 3, I was genuinely concerned about them because they never went out. Now that I’ve gotten over that and learned that social interactions in their generation are online as opposed to IRL, my big concern is that they don’t know how to do nothing. If the internet goes down, they are genuinely distressed. They can’t just sit and stare out a window or lose themselves in daydreams. And that makes me so sad. Worried, and so so sad.
Totally agree, we're learning as we go too, trusting them (even when sad) to do what they think is best. Problem is, we see the distress too, so clearly, and it makes us so heavy and worried.
Things have changed, I see it so often and even my own son was guilty of being glued to his phone before he started working full time, college full time, and a girlfriend mixed in too. However, as I listened to this on Sunday morning, I was about 40 hours in of a 48 hour trail race. There were 350 runners, plus their families or friends there. At least 20 runners were under the age of 16 and as young as 7. The "tent camp" was full of the families and friends. The playground of the farm was full of the younger kids. I never saw anyone bored or killing time on their phones. The trail/ultra running community is such a great experience.
But, listening to this out loud with all the people on the trail around me, I felt proud that this community of very different human beings were not bored, no one needed TVs or phones or anything to ward off any boredom. It was just miles and miles of dirt roads, campfires, food, music and fun with random people from all over the country. 20,844 miles where covered over the weekend on the farm by just the registered runners and I never heard anyone say they were bored...
I may have mentioned here before that my day job title is “Tech Exploration Instructor” at a center for adults with IDD. Our “members” can opt to spend about an hour a day with me learning about email communication, photography, GarageBand, keyboarding skills, weather, maps and travel, clocks (alarms, timers etc.), data tracking, slideshow production - as well as “exploring” technology in our community around us. (Who hasn’t had to order food off of a kiosk yet?!)…they also, after they complete their work have the opportunity to watch YouTube, do online word searches/crosswords, jigsaw puzzle apps, typing games, escape rooms online etc…
Well - having a week visiting the beautiful state of Montana and having very little cell signal in the valleys - I read 2 1/2 books, played board/dice/card games every night, sat in a hot tub outside while it snowed, hiked trails, made friends with a mountain squirrel named “Baby”, picked wild sage, took TONS of photos, played in and around the Missouri, Sun, & Blackfoot Rivers (found amazing river rock souvenirs - lesson learned - they will get your checked bag close to that 50 lb. limit!), scouted wildlife (saw antelope, bison, bald eagles, ducks, geese, highland cows <not wild>, horses <also not wild>, mule deer), and had conversations with amazing humans I met along the way. Imagine if my face were buried in my phone or iPad the whole time.
I won’t philosophize about my opinions - other than to say…while walking along rivers edge - I thought “Tech Exploration will be looking at ‘Tech Unplugged’ days very soon.” Our members need to know that there are ways to occupy time that aren’t using tech…and we can have real life conversations and experience real life people and experiences in the world around us.
That being said - thank goodness for the technology that provides the means to communicate with Tyler and all of you.
I am a better man because of Tyler Knott Gregson and others on Substack who encourage me all the time.
Psst. I'm a better man because of YOU. Know this my friend.
I'll start by saying I had to look up Apple Vision Pro and wow...it looks slightly cool, but also weirdly terrifying. I am a person who enjoys technology, but not all new tech seems appealing to me. There are certain advances that seem important for us or better for the planet, and then there are those that seem like they are turning us into disconnected robots. I am currently not thrilled about the idea of "virtual reality" or anything that takes us out of the world we live in. I am still so fascinated by the simple magic of nature, of being grounded in my physical surroundings. I do spend time on my technology like anyone else, but it also bothers me if I spend too much time on it or do so without intention. Like you, I miss the days of "less connection" because you had to go out into the world and do things and find things and seek out people and places. Which actually allowed us to find MORE connection. And sometimes you didn't know where you'd end up. And that was the whole freaking beauty of it all. I think boredom is a gift. It's like light and dark - boredom must be equally balanced with creativity and action. Neither can exist without the other.
I weirdly LOVE that you had to google the Apple Vision Pro. That means you're far enough removed and I'm so happy for that!