“I’m just not made for this world,” is a sentiment I have shared either directly, or metaphorically through my poetry for years now. I remember feeling this, or some iteration of it, as early as elementary school, and I remember it feeling heavy. Truth is a weight we’re never quite prepared to carry, not far, and so we do our best to negotiate with it, to lighten the load with bartering or masking, with humor in my case, more than almost anything else. I’m just not made for this world, and blamed myself, blamed the machinations that spin this mind of mine, the cogs and gears, the little engine that could behind it all, turning the stressors my senses overload themselves on into fuel that keeps me laughing, keeps me writing, surviving.
What if I was wrong, all this time all these years all these poems, what if it’s not me at all? What if the world just isn’t made for me?
A thought experiment today, a winding road I hope you’ll ride down with me, born from a conversation with a fellow neurodivergent across a table I built with my own hands from wood older than any diagnosis. It begins where all great thought experiments begin, with a question and a simple one at that—What if?
What if neurodiverse people are an evolutionary leap forward, and eventually will become the dominant species?
In other words, what if we, and by we I mean all of my fellow NDs (neurodivergents will hereby be shortened for brevity sake) that fall somewhere on the spectrum of that diversity, and what if by evolutionary leap forward I mean we are the mutants from X-Men, the advanced and super-powered species that at the start will seem out-of-place, dangerous, and wrong to the masses, but due to these superpowers, will one day take over everything? What if, indeed?
Right now, we live in a world in which the entire infrastructure is set up for, customized to, and tolerable for neurotypicals (NTs henceforth) and the support of their needs, abilities, and comforts. In this reality, NDs seem “broken,” and unable to cope with status quo, we seem at odds with a society and environment that others seem perfectly accepting, and most often celebratory of. The “norms” that we’re all familiar with are devices of mass creation and adoption, a majority rules universe where the majority doesn’t (yet) deal with the obstacles that NDs are forced to contend with. The forms of socialization, celebration, interaction, industry, production, and every other ‘ion you can imagine, are all dictated by and influenced by this.
Glance around at almost any industry, and this reality shows itself. Concerts are held in massive stadiums filled with throngs of people, psychedelic strobe light shows, and volumes that are consistently proving to cause permanent damage to the ears and hearing of those at the show. This is normal. For many, many, ND people this is a layer of Hell even Dante would have struggled to concoct. What if, again, thought experiment so please work with me here, entertain the thought before immediately discounting it, what if this normalcy is the great delusion of the masses? What if living in this loud a world, this noisy (in all ways) an environment, is *gasp* NOT a great way to live?! What if those of us ill-equipped to cope with the din and the clamor are not disabled, but merely hypersensitive? What if our senses are quite literally evolved to hear what others cannot, see details that go unnoticed, instantly dissect the scents that waft our way into all of their representative parts, taste ingredients the moment food hits our tongue, and feel the electricity inside the skin of someone we touch? What if this is normal to us, and what if these are our superpowers, and what if we’re the first in what just might become the new normal one day, years and years from now?
Perhaps, as those convoluted X-Men movies showed, we need advisors of sorts in all positions of government and policy that are neurodivergent. Perhaps we need Less noise, less light, less overwhelming heat. Perhaps we need spaces dedicated to sensory reduction, not sensory overload, and perhaps we need to normalize thought processes that don’t fit into nice little categories. It’s always been a strange thing to me, the dynamic between NDs and NTs, as it’s always shown and portrayed as though the ND people are the “hard work” that are “tough to handle,” while NTs are easy, and being with them the much simpler task. It’s felt strange as long as I can remember, because with the exception of meltdowns that come alongside massive sensory overload, in my experience, NDs are almost always the steadier temperaments, almost always the less hyper-reactive and emotional, when it comes to relationships and the distributions of power, interest, and patience.
What if, all we’ve been indoctrinated since our youth to call broken, disabled, challenged, weird, quirky, or any other adjective that reduces an entire group of stunning individuals down to one teeming mass of disparity, are just the next step, the logical progression of humanity in the face of a planet that we’ve essentially destroyed, following the normal paths we’ve always followed?
What if this place IS too loud, what if it’s too bright, too overheated, what if we’re all too hyperconnected, too busy, say yes to too many things, no to too few? What if we have become so accustomed to lying through our smiling teeth for the sake of some bullshit idea of fitting in, we forgot what the truth tasted like? What if all of us NDs are the evolutionary leap to fix this place, to fix the noise, the light, the lying, the mass consumption that is eating our planet away a giant bite at a time?
One day, one shining day in some beautiful future, they’ll come to us for help, open hands and on their knees, begging for the answers that will set us free. One day, those that make the rules (only to break them secretly) will understand that the only way out is through, and we are the way through. That we do not have to live the way we live, we do not have to pretend, we do not have to tell half-truths and play mind games and say yes to a thousand things that sacrifice the serenity of our own souls. One day they’ll want to know how to make a world that is quieter, softer, and that pays more attention to the stunning miracles that exist all around us. One day, the delusion will fade and the curtain will fall and it will be us standing there and pointing at the fraud behind the machine, pulling the levers, throwing smoke into the air like a grenade. It will be us as Tinman, as Lion, as Scarecrow, Dorothy, and Toto, us broken few, us that struggle in a black and white world, when all we know is color. It will be us, and I’ll tell you a little secret, one that you might not expect:
We’ll take your hand, and we’ll see you through.
What they call broken,
this neurodiversity,
we call the future.
Stunning piece of writing — what a beautiful concept
Ah, wow thank you. For being here, for reading it, for just being you. Means moons, it does.
Beautiful. My son is ND and I have always felt the way you describe. You are the future we need. <3
Ahh what a gift. Your closing line should be a tagline we all use. NDs: THE FUTURE YOU NEED.
I agree with you. I understood this when I became energetically activated in 2018. There were some interesting exchanges of information coming from the ether., which is what I believe to be the field of consciousness and is tied to our evolution. It’s now being talked about in metaphysical, paranormal and UAP spaces. What we now label as something that needs to be treated, is actually the next stage human. ✨🙃
I couldn't possibly agree more. I think many years from now, we'll understand. I won't be here for it in this skin, but I'll be here for it in some way. I cannot wait.
YES! I have often called my 'breakdown', in which I needed to be hospitalized, as a top down Kundalini awakening. It happened shortly after the 11/11/2011 gateway. I actually have no doubt about it and consider coming off the drugs I am on to see who is here. Fascinating.
Hi Gayle, thank you for sharing. I think you’d do well without them. Obviously follow protocol for transitioning. So many supportive modalities including meditation, breathwork, yoga etc. to utilize. I remember that time period vividly. It was when I first noticed number patterns. The rest of my awakening was gradual and also included a breakdown moment. I held so much in my emotional pain body and it all came out with one sentence. Lasted for hours and a friend nearly took me to the hospital. Fortunately I recognized it for what it was. A massive purge. Sending you so much love! ✨💚
And love back to you!! 🤗
I had to be hospitalized, I was not only seriously considering suicide, but homicide as well ... i was going to take my family with me.
That’s intense. I’m so glad you're all still with us! 🙏
Great topic! But this begs the question: Outside of a clinical discussion, can someone be both Nuerodivergent and Nuerotypical? I think and hope so. I smile and think back to a young life, being included and (to a certain level) celebrated (not castigated) for my unique characteristics. Co-existing on the fringe of both worlds...for better or worse. This may be mostly a “small group/town” phenomenon, but even though ND’s were “different” to others, they were part of a team, a group, a “gang”. And, ironically, even a “NT” from New York City, could be “ND” in small town Texas, and vice versa. And every kid who moved around a lot is personally familiar with that. So it was true even within groups separated by geography, religion, race, class… etc. Today, every kind of ND has their own global identity group online. Which is great, in one way. We are all “normal” and can feel incredibly accepted within one. But, it also is challenging because, it doesn’t always have a path for us all to try to co-exist with others who are not like us. I hope we all can still do both.
I think if you're neurodivergent, you're neurodivergent, and you'll always be that. I think you can do certain things, engage in certain ways that present neurotypical, and you can certainly get by in situations surrounded by NTs, but you'll always be an ND. I think it's almost like our genetic ancestry, it's all about percentages. You can have percentages of NT in you, but if you're in the ND club, you're in it and I think that's a beautiful thing. Just my 2 cents.
Well said! High five, brother!
I have had this same thought for quite some time now. I think intuitively, the two different groups will split. Spend time in one camp or the other. A slow progression into the future of the planet. ❤️
Oooh a split is a fascinating concept! What would that world look like?!
This is so beautiful and so hopeful and honestly made me feel a bit more at peace with myself and how my CPTSD makes it difficult for me to exist in the “normal” world much of the time. Thank you for this gift, Tyler. Thank you.
Reading this, you have no idea what it means to me. This is why I write, this is why I built this community, to remind people, we're all so fucking beautiful.
This was so very thoughtfully written and spoken. It made me think of the past and the role of neurodivergent people throughout history in our collective evolution. Were these our medicine people? The shamans with heightened observational abilities drawn to animals more than humans? The first cave paintings with stunning details that no brain had ever had the coordination to connect mind to hand before? And so before I came here to share these thoughts I went to google to see if I could back up my musings and sure enough, I found an incredible article that echos my pondering called Ancient Autism which you can read here: https://www.zmescience.com/feature-post/health/mind-brain/autism-stone-age-evolution/
There is a link to the full scientific journal entry which I haven't read yet, because I was too excited to share this here!
And so 100 effin' percent will the neurodivergent continue to shape how we evolve! They have been doing it all along!
Full Article: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/1751696X.2016.1244949
Oh Heather, what a magnificent addition to this conversation. Holy smokes. This made me tear up big time. THANK you for this gift.
HUG. ... and another intellectual breakthrough opens up. Thank you!
The shaman…holy crap!!!
How has this never crossed my mind before
TKG!!!!! This! I am here for it - 100%
Broseph - hit the nail right on the head!!!
Drop that mic!!!
You're the best. You are the hype man we all need, and deserve.
I love this so much, and I agree wholeheartedly. My 4-year-old son is ND and nonverbal, and he is the most intuitive, intelligent little person I know. Being with him brings me so much peace and happiness. The world most definitely needs more people like him and all you ND people.
Ahhh what a little stud. I hope to meet him one day, truly.
What If? is my favorite phrase, next to Why? ... Always has been. I was told at a very young age that I had a fantastical imagination and What If? was often at the crux of it. I mean, what if dragons are real and have only come into some generational memory from a parallel Universe. What if?!
After my breakdown, my second psychiatrist was fascinated by our talks and me saying that I had guardians that spoke to me, ony positive and encouraging things, and never once thought of me as psychotic [as they had toyed with in the hospital] he listened [imagine] to my conversation about how noise was too much for me. How I spent my first months recovering wrapped in the softest blanket I could find with two cats on my lap and how that regulated me. He suggested Wellbutrin [commonly used for Asperger] as an add on to the Prozac I was already taking, stating that it might help with some of the ADD [autistic, once he heard that my brother was full blown genius Asperger...] symptoms I showed. Never once did he offer ANYTHING to quell my guardian voices. Never. He loved knowing what they said to me. How I turned my head to the right looking at 'something' out of focus near the ceiling when they spoke. I loved that man and had him for the roughest time in my life during my first few years of recovery.
I have always wondered What If about the ND [never actually putting myself in the category but, as my brother would say, "you are, you just are creative enough to organize your life around/within it."] that they [dare I say 'we'] are the evolutionary change. Selective breeding has made us so, and we usually pass it on among our family [my daughter, somehow, is more like my husband than me, but still has a huge startle reflex {always did} ...]
There. I've gone off on a tangent. Again! 😂 ... I rarely get to talk to anyone about things such as this. Thank you for the forum and discussion. Very excited. ... can you tell??
It all boils down to, as I have mentioned this before with you, that I believe the What If, is a 'thing' and we need to embrace our differences. Even when the world does not. It's up to us to speak up and teach others. Be beautiful and wrap up in the softest blanket, or softest heavy blanket [my personal choice] possible. Cocoon. Teach others to be still and quiet. I'm kinda proud of who/what I am. I hope you are too, Tyler. I love you! ... and pass this love on to Sarah, please.
Thank you so much for sharing all this, what a beautiful thing to read, to hear your story, your membership in such a special club, even if you don't fully recognize it then. Embrace our differences is the most beautiful mantra. All our love back to you.
It’s lovely to see the world evolving to meet us - even here in little old Adelaide, South Australia, we have some pubs offering a “sensory menu” catered to people who have needs around food, and supermarkets and cinemas offering sessions for the neuro-sparklies.
THIS IS AMAZING. So far I've not yet seen the world rising up to meet me where I am haha, hopefully soon? :)