I share your general sentiment about the general decline of community and celebration. But my early life experience was never been a traditional Hallmark movie set. I grew up in a neighborhood of folks ( no need to be specific here) who were different from my family. And because of their beliefs, most did not celebrate Christmas. That included a lot of dark home exteriors in December. But they were my childhood friends and neighbors, and they never denigrated nor avoided us for our few lights, decorations, or beliefs. Some were even curious to ask about the origins of traditional Christmas celebrations ( which was right up my alley for learning and talking about history). Since I didn’t experience the traditional Hollywood movie set growing up, my reaction to the commercialism of made-up Christmas stories on tv ( some of which are now confused with history) has always been skeptical. When I asked later about why we lived in an area of folks different from ourselves, my parents spoke of community, openness, and inclusion. I felt those things in our neighborhood, but did not understand what they meant until I moved away and lived in a big city that had all the traditional Hallmark decorations, but made me feel unwanted, inferior, and alone. So, today, we still celebrate Christmas with a few lights and sentimental hand-me-down decorations. But they mean less to me than the gatherings of families, friends, and neighbors that take place this time of year. And my favorite holiday is still Thanksgiving because of the intense feeling of family, gratitude , and community that it generates for me. The big dinner is just a reason for everyone to get together, which is still both nostalgic and hopeful. When asked about the spirit of Christmas, I tell young people they can find it in volunteering, going to community events, hosting small gatherings, even going to a service. I guess I’m old enough to still believe it is more meaningful if it becomes less about us and more about others.
I love hearing different perspectives, and I LOVE hearing how it's done in other places. Thank you for this peek inside my friend, truly. The juxtaposition of rural vs city life must have been staggering. I know it well, too. Thanks for this insight again.
I grew up in a family where Christmas Eve was more of an event than Christmas day. We still had all the decorations and lights and such. All of us and the extended family, of which there are many, would go to church for the Christmas pageant then to Grandma and Grandpa's to open gifts and hurried to bed once finally home for the night so Santa could come. It's a fond memory for me every year, remembering the joy and bonding. Somewhere we faded out of that tradition as we grew older and our grandparents passed and we built our own families and careers.
Christmas is just another day on the calendar, and I wasn't planning on putting up lights or any decorations this year since as a healthcare worker I'll be busy those two days helping to take care of those unfortunate enough to require a hospital stay. But after reading this, I'm going to put up lights. The calm of their gentle twinkling at night warms something inside of me and helps me to remember what Christmas was in days past, and the potential that we could return to communing with family on that holiday.
This feels like a Hallmark movie back then and I'm here for it. It's weird and strange how tradition can fade and I feel it too. Thank you for your service too, it means the world. Here's to your lights, I'd love to see a photo. :)
Jasper Fforde has a theory in his Thursday Next series. Nostalgia led way to nowstalgia as the pace would eat itself.
Of course he was my penny drop for having Female Comedic Crime accepted into the Canon of English Literature. PhD for an Honours thesis. At...drumroll 22. Shit. On the day I turned 22. Shh.
I think people are tired and hurting. We live in a world where we get updates about the world every 10 seconds unless we choose to block it out. It begins taking a toll. It makes it intimidating to open up to people for fear of what direction the conversation will go and if it will be charged with opposing views about the world or not.
I’ve had to make the choice to be less informed with all the goings on of the world just to protect my own sanity and belief in the good of the world.
I think the interconnectedness of the world has placed a pressure on us to speak out about every issue or else be considered phony in our beliefs and failing those who need us most (whoever they may be). We weren’t meant to take on every cause every day and yet that’s what the internet asks of us.
That being said, I do see community. It’s not big showings like the hallmark movies show us, but in my town there are Christmas lights not on every house but at least in every neighborhood. My neighbors bring my family and I cookies and loaves that they’ve made themselves. Work puts on potlucks. It’s become something we have to intentionally choose. And that makes it difficult to find sometimes, but I also think the absence of abundance is a wake up call that’s pushing each of us to be the people who create community where it’s lacking.
You're so very right about all this. The toll is immense, and it just feels like it's building up more and more and we're heading towards something even MORE intense and that's frightening isn't it? I think stepping back from the onslaught of news cycles is wise, honestly. Things will happen, they always will, we don't need to know the instant they do. I'm so glad you still see community, it means the world to my silly heart. I love that you get to see it, in large ways and small. Thanks for this Tori.
I hadn't considered it, but I think you are right about the fact that it might be easier to stay at home than go out and appreciate all the fun Christmassy things these days. It feels like a general tiredness - we're all a bit more weary than we've been before AND it's easier to stay home cuddled on the couch and watch our Christmas movie from here :)
I definitely take your point that our devices and our lives have taken over the anticipation of any particular excitement over holiday events and cheer....and yet, I'm still excited that my sister is coming for a few days. I'm sure we'll bake cookies and laugh and hang out in pyjamas and she has a 5 year old who I *think* still believes in Santa Claus :)
I've actually, thankfully, experienced the opposite this year. I recently moved from a city to a much-smaller community, and last weekend I attended the annual Santa Claus parade. I was so thrilled and moved by how many people came out to cheer and wave and celebrate together, and the floats were spectacular. For a brief moment, I felt I was in a Hallmark movie.
On the flip side, the small town where I grew up used to show up like this and now it's more like what you describe. I'm holding on to the light and warmth and hope, which was reignited for me this year, and sending it to you all as well.
Firstly ... one of my favourite Christmas time songs. Thank you. <3
You have me thinking about growing up and lights. I remember seeing the lights on the hill opposite us, across the valley with the White River flowing between. I remember the lights on the other side. I remember turning out the lights in the house and looking through our massive living room window to see the view.
Christmas Eve was the big night: a candlelight service at church and singing Silent Night acapella. The stillness was beautiful. Afterwards, we would go carolling to the parishioners who could not come to the service. Then, once we got home, we would decorate the tree we had cut from our property in the back woods.
Our church was about 20 minutes away and my dad would take us through the back roads so we could see the outdoor pageant of lights all around the Upper Valley. He would take us past the green at Dartmouth College with all the buildings lit and then the extra long way home on the New Hampshire side [of the Connecticut River] ... all on a beautiful crisp December night in Vermont. Sometimes it was even snowing.
My Hallmark moments, for sure.
Now, living in NJ, I am welcomed by lights on my trip home from work and on our street. More lights than usual, I have to say. A lot of them went up right after Thanksgiving. They have me smiling every evening.
I Love that you saw what you saw in your formative years. What a blessing. This all sounds so stunning, and I can FEEL the back roads drive. Here's to the lights you see, here's to adding to them.
My kids write thank letters to neighbors who put in the work. Because lights really aren’t for the owners, are they? We don’t get to see our own shine, do we? It’s for others we light the lamps. So, for the retired grandma across the street that adds a little more every single day, and every night the kids squeal in delight at the unknown addition, we don’t wait to express our gratitude. We can’t match his enthusiasm, we don’t have the material means, but we have time and heart to share. Our four deer and two outdoor trees are our only contribution.
We just spent five days without an internet connection, on the family ranch. We are all better for it. But I don’t think that’s why people don’t put lights out or fail to gather. I think it’s so much deeper than that. When I spend time on the open range, with family and the ranch hands that live and work with them, I feel community. They still depend on each other to survive. They know one other whether they wish to or not. There is no small talk. So much is said without speaking a word. Death is close, life is treasured. They still attend church, and if not, another form of it, as volunteer firefighters or Elks, or some way of giving and receiving one another’s support on a regular basis. There is still a sense of duty beholden to one another, but also, somehow, a benefit of the doubt that if you slip, there’s good reason you need not share (they find out sooner or later anyhow).
It’s the trade off between human connection and the super highway of connectivity that dimmed our incandescence.
That is the sweetest thing, thank you letters to those who throw out light. What a beautiful sentiment. "We don't get to see our own shine, do we?" How perfectly put. Jeez.
And, 5 days with no internet connection sounds MAGIC. I love this.
We historically don't decorate until after thanksgiving, but this year, the tree started going up the day after election day. I styled a new tree and it's the opposite of what I would normally do.
It's gold, emerald, cream and rose gold. I love it and have the lights on starting in the morning when I wake. It is completely what we needed after the outcome of the election. Everyone in the neighborhood has decorated for the holidays this year. Some still have Halloween up.
One of the things my father would do every year was take us downtown to Christmas Street. I realized last year that we didn't go see lights at all. So, this year, I'm making it a point to go out and see them. I saw a post about taking your dogs to see the lights too. We have 4 so not all of them will get to go, but that's my plan too.
The other thing I try to do this time of year is some sort of service project. Last year, we cooked a meal and served it to the VOA Homeless Youth Center. This year, I'm collecting blankets, clothing, shoes, etc. for them. Whatever they dont have a need for, they send to the Men's & Women's/Children Center. I know they will get used there too. I strongly dislike donation centers that make a profit off of used goods.
Lastly, for the first time, we are making neighbor gifts. We started our test baking last weekend and plan to make ginger snaps, Butterfinger balls, holiday krispies, toffee and a select few will get homemade pomegranate syrup. I feel like the community around me is trying to heal from the outcome of the election. Several of my neighbors are happy about it, but those of us that aren't, started putting up decorations right away. Since I love lights, it's wonderful for me to see.
Heather this sounds so freaking rad. I'd love a picture :) And, can I just say, the image of dogs looking at Christmas lights makes me so insanely happy haha. I'm so glad you're surrounded by light.
This is definitely not a thing where I live. I’m in a little apartment so do what I can. Halloween and Christmas takes over the common areas. I haven’t noticed any decline in others being festive. Last year my mom and I took about a two hour drive around the area and more people than not had lots of lights up.
I share your general sentiment about the general decline of community and celebration. But my early life experience was never been a traditional Hallmark movie set. I grew up in a neighborhood of folks ( no need to be specific here) who were different from my family. And because of their beliefs, most did not celebrate Christmas. That included a lot of dark home exteriors in December. But they were my childhood friends and neighbors, and they never denigrated nor avoided us for our few lights, decorations, or beliefs. Some were even curious to ask about the origins of traditional Christmas celebrations ( which was right up my alley for learning and talking about history). Since I didn’t experience the traditional Hollywood movie set growing up, my reaction to the commercialism of made-up Christmas stories on tv ( some of which are now confused with history) has always been skeptical. When I asked later about why we lived in an area of folks different from ourselves, my parents spoke of community, openness, and inclusion. I felt those things in our neighborhood, but did not understand what they meant until I moved away and lived in a big city that had all the traditional Hallmark decorations, but made me feel unwanted, inferior, and alone. So, today, we still celebrate Christmas with a few lights and sentimental hand-me-down decorations. But they mean less to me than the gatherings of families, friends, and neighbors that take place this time of year. And my favorite holiday is still Thanksgiving because of the intense feeling of family, gratitude , and community that it generates for me. The big dinner is just a reason for everyone to get together, which is still both nostalgic and hopeful. When asked about the spirit of Christmas, I tell young people they can find it in volunteering, going to community events, hosting small gatherings, even going to a service. I guess I’m old enough to still believe it is more meaningful if it becomes less about us and more about others.
Kevin! M8. Maaaatttteee.
You've kept the lights on.
Thank you.
Love you.
Mean it.
- the viciously tiny & fierce one.
I love hearing different perspectives, and I LOVE hearing how it's done in other places. Thank you for this peek inside my friend, truly. The juxtaposition of rural vs city life must have been staggering. I know it well, too. Thanks for this insight again.
Ahem. You mean you know it all too well. Sad Girl autumn laying way for Swiftmas.
They all just euphorically racked off to fandom. Like us.
Did you not get that?
Take the Angrypants Electric Guitar lord home. Your Capaldi is showing.
I grew up in a family where Christmas Eve was more of an event than Christmas day. We still had all the decorations and lights and such. All of us and the extended family, of which there are many, would go to church for the Christmas pageant then to Grandma and Grandpa's to open gifts and hurried to bed once finally home for the night so Santa could come. It's a fond memory for me every year, remembering the joy and bonding. Somewhere we faded out of that tradition as we grew older and our grandparents passed and we built our own families and careers.
Christmas is just another day on the calendar, and I wasn't planning on putting up lights or any decorations this year since as a healthcare worker I'll be busy those two days helping to take care of those unfortunate enough to require a hospital stay. But after reading this, I'm going to put up lights. The calm of their gentle twinkling at night warms something inside of me and helps me to remember what Christmas was in days past, and the potential that we could return to communing with family on that holiday.
May it always be a Lover Knotthouse.
Merry Swiftmas ❤️💚
This feels like a Hallmark movie back then and I'm here for it. It's weird and strange how tradition can fade and I feel it too. Thank you for your service too, it means the world. Here's to your lights, I'd love to see a photo. :)
Jasper Fforde has a theory in his Thursday Next series. Nostalgia led way to nowstalgia as the pace would eat itself.
Of course he was my penny drop for having Female Comedic Crime accepted into the Canon of English Literature. PhD for an Honours thesis. At...drumroll 22. Shit. On the day I turned 22. Shh.
I think people are tired and hurting. We live in a world where we get updates about the world every 10 seconds unless we choose to block it out. It begins taking a toll. It makes it intimidating to open up to people for fear of what direction the conversation will go and if it will be charged with opposing views about the world or not.
I’ve had to make the choice to be less informed with all the goings on of the world just to protect my own sanity and belief in the good of the world.
I think the interconnectedness of the world has placed a pressure on us to speak out about every issue or else be considered phony in our beliefs and failing those who need us most (whoever they may be). We weren’t meant to take on every cause every day and yet that’s what the internet asks of us.
That being said, I do see community. It’s not big showings like the hallmark movies show us, but in my town there are Christmas lights not on every house but at least in every neighborhood. My neighbors bring my family and I cookies and loaves that they’ve made themselves. Work puts on potlucks. It’s become something we have to intentionally choose. And that makes it difficult to find sometimes, but I also think the absence of abundance is a wake up call that’s pushing each of us to be the people who create community where it’s lacking.
Ooh, hello!
You have The Kevins about you.
Big guy up top, not McCallister.
My sister has our six: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q67_2VIxZmA&pp=ygUYbWljaGVsbGUgbG8gdGhvdWdodHdvcmtz
Merry Happy Everything x
You're so very right about all this. The toll is immense, and it just feels like it's building up more and more and we're heading towards something even MORE intense and that's frightening isn't it? I think stepping back from the onslaught of news cycles is wise, honestly. Things will happen, they always will, we don't need to know the instant they do. I'm so glad you still see community, it means the world to my silly heart. I love that you get to see it, in large ways and small. Thanks for this Tori.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl-AawPAA_A&pp=ygURbWljaGVsbGUgbG8gcHljb24%3D
Do
You
Know
Why
She
Exists?
Because of you, TKG. That's my bb sister.
Because you came running to take me home. With your typewriter.
Oh, and that thunderclap you felt?
My Dancing Queen asked if I had given a book of poetry to the Barnesy to my Swift.
It's yours.
The silver edged one.
They've found us out.
Deal with it.
You're so rad. :)
I hadn't considered it, but I think you are right about the fact that it might be easier to stay at home than go out and appreciate all the fun Christmassy things these days. It feels like a general tiredness - we're all a bit more weary than we've been before AND it's easier to stay home cuddled on the couch and watch our Christmas movie from here :)
I definitely take your point that our devices and our lives have taken over the anticipation of any particular excitement over holiday events and cheer....and yet, I'm still excited that my sister is coming for a few days. I'm sure we'll bake cookies and laugh and hang out in pyjamas and she has a 5 year old who I *think* still believes in Santa Claus :)
YES Gabriela, the "General tiredness" is so f'ing accurate. We're all so worn thin now. We gotta fight it though, dammit, we gotta fight. :)
I Love ya.
I've actually, thankfully, experienced the opposite this year. I recently moved from a city to a much-smaller community, and last weekend I attended the annual Santa Claus parade. I was so thrilled and moved by how many people came out to cheer and wave and celebrate together, and the floats were spectacular. For a brief moment, I felt I was in a Hallmark movie.
On the flip side, the small town where I grew up used to show up like this and now it's more like what you describe. I'm holding on to the light and warmth and hope, which was reignited for me this year, and sending it to you all as well.
THIS MAKES ME SO DAMN HAPPY. I LOVE that you're getting the full treatment, that you get to feel it all. Hold onto the light. Always.
Firstly ... one of my favourite Christmas time songs. Thank you. <3
You have me thinking about growing up and lights. I remember seeing the lights on the hill opposite us, across the valley with the White River flowing between. I remember the lights on the other side. I remember turning out the lights in the house and looking through our massive living room window to see the view.
Christmas Eve was the big night: a candlelight service at church and singing Silent Night acapella. The stillness was beautiful. Afterwards, we would go carolling to the parishioners who could not come to the service. Then, once we got home, we would decorate the tree we had cut from our property in the back woods.
Our church was about 20 minutes away and my dad would take us through the back roads so we could see the outdoor pageant of lights all around the Upper Valley. He would take us past the green at Dartmouth College with all the buildings lit and then the extra long way home on the New Hampshire side [of the Connecticut River] ... all on a beautiful crisp December night in Vermont. Sometimes it was even snowing.
My Hallmark moments, for sure.
Now, living in NJ, I am welcomed by lights on my trip home from work and on our street. More lights than usual, I have to say. A lot of them went up right after Thanksgiving. They have me smiling every evening.
I Love that you saw what you saw in your formative years. What a blessing. This all sounds so stunning, and I can FEEL the back roads drive. Here's to the lights you see, here's to adding to them.
Truth! So much truth.
My kids write thank letters to neighbors who put in the work. Because lights really aren’t for the owners, are they? We don’t get to see our own shine, do we? It’s for others we light the lamps. So, for the retired grandma across the street that adds a little more every single day, and every night the kids squeal in delight at the unknown addition, we don’t wait to express our gratitude. We can’t match his enthusiasm, we don’t have the material means, but we have time and heart to share. Our four deer and two outdoor trees are our only contribution.
We just spent five days without an internet connection, on the family ranch. We are all better for it. But I don’t think that’s why people don’t put lights out or fail to gather. I think it’s so much deeper than that. When I spend time on the open range, with family and the ranch hands that live and work with them, I feel community. They still depend on each other to survive. They know one other whether they wish to or not. There is no small talk. So much is said without speaking a word. Death is close, life is treasured. They still attend church, and if not, another form of it, as volunteer firefighters or Elks, or some way of giving and receiving one another’s support on a regular basis. There is still a sense of duty beholden to one another, but also, somehow, a benefit of the doubt that if you slip, there’s good reason you need not share (they find out sooner or later anyhow).
It’s the trade off between human connection and the super highway of connectivity that dimmed our incandescence.
That is the sweetest thing, thank you letters to those who throw out light. What a beautiful sentiment. "We don't get to see our own shine, do we?" How perfectly put. Jeez.
And, 5 days with no internet connection sounds MAGIC. I love this.
We historically don't decorate until after thanksgiving, but this year, the tree started going up the day after election day. I styled a new tree and it's the opposite of what I would normally do.
It's gold, emerald, cream and rose gold. I love it and have the lights on starting in the morning when I wake. It is completely what we needed after the outcome of the election. Everyone in the neighborhood has decorated for the holidays this year. Some still have Halloween up.
One of the things my father would do every year was take us downtown to Christmas Street. I realized last year that we didn't go see lights at all. So, this year, I'm making it a point to go out and see them. I saw a post about taking your dogs to see the lights too. We have 4 so not all of them will get to go, but that's my plan too.
The other thing I try to do this time of year is some sort of service project. Last year, we cooked a meal and served it to the VOA Homeless Youth Center. This year, I'm collecting blankets, clothing, shoes, etc. for them. Whatever they dont have a need for, they send to the Men's & Women's/Children Center. I know they will get used there too. I strongly dislike donation centers that make a profit off of used goods.
Lastly, for the first time, we are making neighbor gifts. We started our test baking last weekend and plan to make ginger snaps, Butterfinger balls, holiday krispies, toffee and a select few will get homemade pomegranate syrup. I feel like the community around me is trying to heal from the outcome of the election. Several of my neighbors are happy about it, but those of us that aren't, started putting up decorations right away. Since I love lights, it's wonderful for me to see.
Heather this sounds so freaking rad. I'd love a picture :) And, can I just say, the image of dogs looking at Christmas lights makes me so insanely happy haha. I'm so glad you're surrounded by light.
How do I add a picture?
This is definitely not a thing where I live. I’m in a little apartment so do what I can. Halloween and Christmas takes over the common areas. I haven’t noticed any decline in others being festive. Last year my mom and I took about a two hour drive around the area and more people than not had lots of lights up.