I Will Oscillate | 11.17.20
Oh how we alternate, oh how we float back and forth between two things, between many more. Overjoyed for a time, devastated moments later, we flow like water between the emotions of our lives. Expectations of stasis are fruitless, dangerous, and unfair, we are made to be many things all at once, and I know this to be true of myself. Part of my ASD is this, waking and waiting to see which I am, which me, and I am sure it’s a challenge to be around for those who are near. I do not mean anything by this, sometimes I open my eyes and all things feel quiet and calm, sometimes I wake and my mind is a hive of bees and I cannot find the queen. I am so many things, and I have come to terms with this. Do you feel this, too? Do you oscillate, as I do?
Not always happy,
nor filled with melancholy.
I will oscillate.
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I am an empath and I oscillate in a way too. I feel like I have no control over the moods of those around me. I feel others' emotions at times as if they are my own. This at times can be nerve wrecking. I often feel "the storm" inside others. Sometimes I am lucky and feel their peace. I have learned to block a part of this out, but I am quite horrible at blocking it out. I am highly sensitive and this makes life so much harder at times. So acceptance of who you are as a person, to me that makes much more sense. I often tell my kids that being sensitive is like having an HD TV....you live in High Definition. You dont see life in Standard Definition like the rest of the world and that makes you extraordinary.
thanks for your thoughts Tyler. it's helpful to be part of this community with other poetic souls and see that we have a lot in common. your words are beautiful and this is a beautiful community you have created. this thing -- oscillation -- shares the sh** out of me. but there's no use fighting it. sometimes i'll be sitting there with my wife or daughter and everything feels perfect and complete and it's in that moment i'm visited by the grief that the moment is about to end. but strangely when i'm feeling down i don't always have the same clarity that things are about to change in the other direction.