Shall I call you by that name? (Sorry, English is not my first, but I don't have any second language); here's is a new question, probably you've never have this one, how would you comfort your soul, in case you're the only one left behind who's no companion all the way through, while every others have their other half with them (assume this is the case, in fact I haven't told you the one is me). Thanks.
Tyler's the only name I got! I have always believed, you cannot truly love another, until you love yourself. If you cannot be comfortable, happy, joyful, in only your own company, I don't believe you can ever be a fully realized partner to someone else. I think if we spend our time searching for our other half, we'll forget the most important part of realizing we're Already whole. I comfort my soul realizing that I love the person I am.
Here, I'd answer my own question. I tend to believe that (I'm not religious) that there needs to be a reason for everything, even if there isn't, we just need to give a reason to validate what's happened (this could be hard). (Just a reminder of my own question: what'd I need to tell myself, if all others are coupled with someone, only me leading a lonely existence). First, I'd learn to accept things as they're, for I can't change within any foreseeable period. I understand to my gut so well why things are like these because of what's happened before, today's the result of my yesterday's deed, which I can't change as well. However, leading a life that is single (for almost 2 decades) I can see what others can't, as only me, myself is by my side, and no one else. I know how this feel (all the way to my bone) when no one is with me, just when I need it. This could be a valuable experience to me because I become strong after all my struggle, I'm not afraid now, and this experience is special to me, thus.
If you were laid up for a few weeks (such as recovering from a surgery or accident), and a small team of people were available to take care of you while you recovered (let's say you couldn't do anything for yourself), what would be the most important instructions you would want to give them to really, truly meet your needs so you could recover well? (I just went through a surgery and had a best friend who took care of me, so I learned it's not as easy as it would seem! And, this is where people really, truly get to know you, I think. One way anyway.)
OOOOH THIS is a good question! Holy moly. I think my instructions would be pretty simple, but pretty pointed. I'd say keep the temperature from getting hot haha, I hate being hot. I would always want tea around as few things soothe me more. I would say just give me time to be alone, but then time for conversation when ready. Above all, patience. :) I'm horrible at letting people take care of me, I never allow it, so this was a tough one.
well there are times when you don't have a choice, so maybe practice a little. LOL. OK, let's see my top few: start every day with a cup of green tea, then a fresh home brewed pour over coffee with breakfast (some version of eggs, hashbrowns, sausage, toast). Help me take a shower every morning (I love water). Surround me with plenty of good poetry books. And music I love, and movies. Please also bring in baskets of puppies and kittens to cuddle and play with for about an hour and then take them away. Haha. : )
I believe the old adage you’ve got to have the roots before you bear the fruit. I also believe one’s work and life is vibrantly colored by our personal expression. What would you say developed as the roots of you bearing the fruit of your personal expression?
For me, my roots grow from a soul rich in self awareness. Tangled within these roots are my inquisitive nature, my open mindedness, my empathy, my compassion and my storage shed full of things I’ve tired and either failed or didn’t fit me. My personal expression is a work in progress, but I feel this allows for lively growth and exploration.
Beautiful question! My goodness. I think my roots have always been in a complete lack of self-image and self-awareness, and a personality that always looks Out to others rather than In at myself. Habitually, constantly. My empathy is so big that it eclipses anything going on with me. On top of this, is the endless passion, and endless curiosity. I always want to know, and I am passionate about everything I am passionate about, which is everything. :)
"Every person ever charged with asking me questions, for some reason goes through the same motions, and asks me the very same things. “When did you start writing?” “What is your inspiration?” “How do you deal with writer’s block?” There exists a laundry list of questions I’ve answered so many times, I can literally feel Sarah’s boredom creep in and settle like a storm every time she hears them uttered."
Dude, I have heard many many writers complain about this over the years, and that's why I never ask. I am content in these situations, for the most part, to let people tell me things - after awhile I'll have answers (and then questions perhaps) since I never forget anything more or less. (If it's been some decades I might have to dredge my memory a bit to get things to surface.)
"The time is now, ask new questions, get new answers. Here we go."
How many licks does it take you to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Toilet paper over the top of the roll or underneath?
When you put weights on the bar do you put the smallest weights on first (to the inside) or last?
Come to think of it, do you really exercise (gym-style) hours and hours every day? Is that fun, or are you thinking, or is it compulsive?
Come to think of that, does the autism point you in the direction of a very regimented routine (since you've consistantly hit your newsletter letter schedule on the dot)? Or is that something you had to learn?
GOOD QUESTIONSSSSSS. 1) 364 licks. Science proved it, weirdly. 2) The paper should always hang down from the top, not on the back. This is also proven by the actual patent from way back in the old days, of how it should hang. 3) Smallest weights on the outside, always. 4) I work out every single day, because I Love it so much. Not at all a compulsion, a true, honest, deep, love. 5) I think the routine comes natural. Once I set myself a challenge, I stick to it, and it's not even really effort. Sarah is baffled that I'm at almost 1000 days in a row on Duolingo, but for me it just doesn't even feel like work. Weird. You're rad.
1) I actually experimented with it when I was a kid: 13 licks - until I realized I could just skipp the licking and just bite through it which worked better for me.
2) Agreed on the paper: I figured it as a momentum problem - it takes more energy to pull it over the top than underneath, so the paper separates from the rest of the roll without unwinding an additional 20 squares onto the floor, which has happened to me with some frequency in various retail bathrooms.
3) Agreed: apparently on the west coast they do it the other way (???->>!!!), and I figure it's a lot easier to lightly bump the weight up when the small ones are on the outside.
4) OK, cool! Knew a lady on Livejournal back when and she had a (self-proclaimed) severe case of OCD; liked her boodles, but it was difficult for her. I have not known any autistic people - not before this century - so I wondered about that.
5) I am not great at being scheduled, but I am on my second 500-day streak on Memrise, so I understand that part. I don't quit get the gym exercise routine - working out with weights bores me to tears. My idea of working with weights is hauling a fifty-pound sack of sand on each shoulder down a steep grassy slope in the rain, barefoot, five times. (Barefoot because I slipped and managed to not fall or drop both bags, so I kicked the deck shoes off and did it that way.)
Or this thing I did Saturday - had a large bolt holding something to the underbody subframe, which had corroded away (manufacturer's defect - the subframe has to be replaced), and the bolt had been fused into the corroded section. Unfortunately there's no way to get a long socket drive under the car, but doing it from the side meant I could only turn it a 1/16th of turn each time, and only with about 3-400 lbs of torque. And I needed the bolt out intact. So I got a 2-foot section of pipe I had salvaged just for this, and it moved, a little bit and then the socket driver fell off. The upshot is that I had to continuously do this gymnast's routine to keep the drive on the bolt, and pump the section of pipe, up-down-sideways-on the knees, stand up, etc. Finally the driver on with the universal tool, the zip tie and that worked. I forgot I had a few of those muscles. So that was definitely exercise but not dull. Infuriating but not dull.
Oooh...that there was a way out of this racism mess in our country. I grew up in the South and witnessed so so so much racism, and believed with all my heart, that there was a path out of this, that a real change could happen. 41.5 years in to this life, and I honestly don't know if there is here, I just don't know. It breaks my heart but we're literally a country BUILT on it, and I worry that it is so deep deep deeply entrenched, change won't come, at least not in a lot of lifetimes. Heartbreaking, but true, this answer.
Your answer is heartbreaking, and a sad universal truth. Here in Australia we have taken some great steps towards repairing the damage we did to our relationship with the Indigenous Peoples of this land, but there is still so much injustice and racism.
My answer is a lot less meaningful, I’m afraid… I grew up watching MacGyver, KnightRider, Magnum PI, etc, and I really thought having to survive gunshot wounds, car crashes, planes with no pilots, being trapped in a car underwater etc etc were far more common occurrences than they actually are. Life, thankfully, is not as perilous as 80’s TV had me believe!
Thanks for your answer, Tyler, and for creating this awesome community. You’re rad.
I liked this because I agree that we rarely “dive deeper” in our conversations with others. I really like to find out how people tick, what they think about mundane things. I make an effort to, and especially enjoy, learning what my two sons are currently thinking about. It’s hard to do this, however, due to lack of time and usually needing an atmosphere conducive to relaxed conversation. I think I could count on one hand (even if I was minus a finger or two) the number of people who really know some part of me- and sometimes I feel like no one does- mostly because they don’t ask, and I have to really trust that person to lay myself open. While I’m open about some topics, I’m not “open to answer quite literally anything, to anyone that does the asking. Nothing, is ever off-limits…” as you wrote. Most people think they know the sum of me, they assume that they do. Like you, I have revealed more in this forum over the time that I’ve been part of this group, than I have to those who I see every day or even live with. My husband stopped asking questions years ago.
Your self-deprecating humour (“Good lord, I suck at intros”) and stream of consciousness (“Gosh, I am uncomfortable in this hard chair today,” mid-sentence) always makes me smile or laugh while listening. Here’s my question: what I wonder about you is are you like your social media persona all/most/some of the time with your family and friends? You often elude to how your autism presents itself in negative ways- what are you be like during your most unpleasant moments?
I LOVE that you've revealed so much in this group, we are lucky, so very. Please keep it up, please please.
To answer you: I am always the same. Honestly, always. TO a fault. I am the same person no matter who I am around, be it royalty or convict haha. The only time that changes, is if I feel the person is racist, prejudice, whatever, then I'm just open and very honest about how I feel about that, hahaha, to a fault. And yes, my autism does present in negative ways. Sarah sees it coming, her kids see it coming, it ebbs, it flows, and sometimes I get low and quiet and not the usual silly, goofy, ALIVE person they know and love. I get very inside and lost and sad at the state of the world and mad at technology and Montana and all sorts. I think it never presents as Mean, ever, for I am not a mean person, it more just presents as being lost and quiet.
How fortunate, then, are Sarah and the kids to live with someone who is for the most part funny and even-tempered! Perhaps your low and quiet moments, when you feel the troubles of the world mostly keenly, are such a contrast to your normally “goofy” ones that they are particularly noticeable to your family.
"The End of the Alphabet" by C.S. Richardson. Short and so absolutely fucking AMAZING. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I still, to this day, cannot stop thinking of it. Yours???
How do you know when to quit something and not just keep trying different ways to get to where you want to be?
I'm not sure I know how to do this at the moment. The only thing I seem to realize to get me to stop is when it no longer brings any kind of positive emotion with or no challenge intellectually.
THE MOMENT that the thing you are going for, after, chasing, wanting, stops being something that makes you feel like a Better version of yourself, a more ALIVE version of yourself, the moment it stops being something that compliments and complements who you are as a human being, let it fade. I think we hold on too tightly to things that betray the people we're made to be.
My question is: When the whole world feels really overstimulating and you feel overwhelmed what do you do to maintain the peace in your heart?
My father was suddenly diagnosed with colon cancer a couple of months ago and his recovery from surgery and upcoming chemotherapy has really shown me a side to him I’ve never seen before - he is very afraid and not at all the courageous man I have always known. My Mom is struggling with the shock and fear and they are both reaching out to me daily, leaning on me seeking therapy like emotional support that I feel unable to fully provide, refusing to contact the mental health professionals who have extended actual support. I’m trying to do all that I can to help them and and carry it all to keep everyone strong but I’m finding it all really heavy. Your poetry has always brought such calm to my heart and I wondered if you, by extension, might share what you do in moments where you feel weary and worn to help sustain yourself.
Your words and this community are, as always, a bright light in the dark for me. Thank you 💗
Such a great question Heather, and first, I am so very sorry about this diagnosis. I think bad news comes and hits people in such strange ways, it makes some people stronger, more alive, more present, whilst confronting others with their deepest fears can turn others the opposite way. SOmetimes it's revealing as to who we are, but the rub is, I think it's also something that we can recover from and bounce back from and practice. We can become braver, and the only way to do that is to confront the sadness, the hardships. Weird how that works.
When I feel overwhelmed, too pushed, too loud, I go back to breath, always breath, and work really hard on maintaining good breathing. I exercise, a lot, because it's absolute peace to push myself to physical exhaustion, it quiets so much of the noise. But the biggest thing is, carve out routines for YOU, because it's like the oxygen mask on the airplane, if you don't put yours on first, you cannot help anyone else. YOU HAVE To be ok to make others ok. Find your calm. Find your peace.
Please keep us posted on your dad, and let us know if there's anything we can do.
BROTHER! Deep, deep, deep history for my side. I did the 23andme and Ancestry, and found out my entire family genetic line started as Vikings in Scandinavia, and then my maternal line filtered down and settled in Ireland, whilst my paternal line all went to Scotland. On my father's side, I'm related to Rob Roy MacGregor! On my Mom's side, turns out we descended from Niall of the 9 Hostages (look him up, holy shit). So yeah, that's why we got married in Scotland, Sarah was officially joining the clan, Gregson comes from MacGregor, and so we used our traditional family tartan for our handfasting, and even said traditional vows.
Tell me more about YOURS! Where in Scotland?! Where in Wales?!
From everything I have read this quote is what gets repeated time and again
“The surname Colvin was first found in Kirkcudbrightshire (Gaelic: Siorrachd Chille Chuithbheirt), part of the present day Council Area of Dumfries and Galloway, former county in Southwestern Scotland, where the family held a family seat in ancient times.”
I honestly haven’t found much about the Welsh side of things. That is on my Maternal side and info is not as historically stacked on her side unfortunately.
"Before we were Yours" by Lisa Wingate. Based on the heartbreaking true scandal of Georgia Tann, a woman whose Memphis adoption center kidnapped and sold poor children to wealthy families. It's based on the real-life abuses perpetrated by Georgia Tann. I've screen shot your reply so I'll remember to read.
This is so true. If another person asks me about what I do for a living or my marital status, I'm going to scream. Everyone always asks each other the most boring questions and it drives me crazy. I'm all for someone asking me random, fun, engaging, or even deep questions. If I'm going to talk about myself, I want it to be meaningful, not just mindless small talk.
My question for you: What is a scent that you immediately associate with your grandparent's house? What scent will instantly take you back to a specific childhood memory with your grandparents? Paint me a picture of the scent and the memory.
Hey Tyler, here is a question to get to know you better, but one that I do not think I can reciprocate! I'm sure all of us Signal Fire members would love to learn more about you -- would you consider sharing your answers to some of the prompts/questions you ask us each week? No pressure to answer them all because can only imagine the number of hours you already commit to this community...... But it would be fun to see answers too, when you have the energy or desire to share! :D
Hi Tyler,
Shall I call you by that name? (Sorry, English is not my first, but I don't have any second language); here's is a new question, probably you've never have this one, how would you comfort your soul, in case you're the only one left behind who's no companion all the way through, while every others have their other half with them (assume this is the case, in fact I haven't told you the one is me). Thanks.
Tyler's the only name I got! I have always believed, you cannot truly love another, until you love yourself. If you cannot be comfortable, happy, joyful, in only your own company, I don't believe you can ever be a fully realized partner to someone else. I think if we spend our time searching for our other half, we'll forget the most important part of realizing we're Already whole. I comfort my soul realizing that I love the person I am.
What do you think Your answer is?
Hi Tyler,
Here, I'd answer my own question. I tend to believe that (I'm not religious) that there needs to be a reason for everything, even if there isn't, we just need to give a reason to validate what's happened (this could be hard). (Just a reminder of my own question: what'd I need to tell myself, if all others are coupled with someone, only me leading a lonely existence). First, I'd learn to accept things as they're, for I can't change within any foreseeable period. I understand to my gut so well why things are like these because of what's happened before, today's the result of my yesterday's deed, which I can't change as well. However, leading a life that is single (for almost 2 decades) I can see what others can't, as only me, myself is by my side, and no one else. I know how this feel (all the way to my bone) when no one is with me, just when I need it. This could be a valuable experience to me because I become strong after all my struggle, I'm not afraid now, and this experience is special to me, thus.
If you were laid up for a few weeks (such as recovering from a surgery or accident), and a small team of people were available to take care of you while you recovered (let's say you couldn't do anything for yourself), what would be the most important instructions you would want to give them to really, truly meet your needs so you could recover well? (I just went through a surgery and had a best friend who took care of me, so I learned it's not as easy as it would seem! And, this is where people really, truly get to know you, I think. One way anyway.)
OOOOH THIS is a good question! Holy moly. I think my instructions would be pretty simple, but pretty pointed. I'd say keep the temperature from getting hot haha, I hate being hot. I would always want tea around as few things soothe me more. I would say just give me time to be alone, but then time for conversation when ready. Above all, patience. :) I'm horrible at letting people take care of me, I never allow it, so this was a tough one.
well there are times when you don't have a choice, so maybe practice a little. LOL. OK, let's see my top few: start every day with a cup of green tea, then a fresh home brewed pour over coffee with breakfast (some version of eggs, hashbrowns, sausage, toast). Help me take a shower every morning (I love water). Surround me with plenty of good poetry books. And music I love, and movies. Please also bring in baskets of puppies and kittens to cuddle and play with for about an hour and then take them away. Haha. : )
Now you answer!
I believe the old adage you’ve got to have the roots before you bear the fruit. I also believe one’s work and life is vibrantly colored by our personal expression. What would you say developed as the roots of you bearing the fruit of your personal expression?
For me, my roots grow from a soul rich in self awareness. Tangled within these roots are my inquisitive nature, my open mindedness, my empathy, my compassion and my storage shed full of things I’ve tired and either failed or didn’t fit me. My personal expression is a work in progress, but I feel this allows for lively growth and exploration.
Beautiful question! My goodness. I think my roots have always been in a complete lack of self-image and self-awareness, and a personality that always looks Out to others rather than In at myself. Habitually, constantly. My empathy is so big that it eclipses anything going on with me. On top of this, is the endless passion, and endless curiosity. I always want to know, and I am passionate about everything I am passionate about, which is everything. :)
WONDERFUL Answer to yourself too!
"Every person ever charged with asking me questions, for some reason goes through the same motions, and asks me the very same things. “When did you start writing?” “What is your inspiration?” “How do you deal with writer’s block?” There exists a laundry list of questions I’ve answered so many times, I can literally feel Sarah’s boredom creep in and settle like a storm every time she hears them uttered."
Dude, I have heard many many writers complain about this over the years, and that's why I never ask. I am content in these situations, for the most part, to let people tell me things - after awhile I'll have answers (and then questions perhaps) since I never forget anything more or less. (If it's been some decades I might have to dredge my memory a bit to get things to surface.)
"The time is now, ask new questions, get new answers. Here we go."
How many licks does it take you to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Toilet paper over the top of the roll or underneath?
When you put weights on the bar do you put the smallest weights on first (to the inside) or last?
Come to think of it, do you really exercise (gym-style) hours and hours every day? Is that fun, or are you thinking, or is it compulsive?
Come to think of that, does the autism point you in the direction of a very regimented routine (since you've consistantly hit your newsletter letter schedule on the dot)? Or is that something you had to learn?
OK, that's enough.
elm
i am not hitting my schedule here
GOOD QUESTIONSSSSSS. 1) 364 licks. Science proved it, weirdly. 2) The paper should always hang down from the top, not on the back. This is also proven by the actual patent from way back in the old days, of how it should hang. 3) Smallest weights on the outside, always. 4) I work out every single day, because I Love it so much. Not at all a compulsion, a true, honest, deep, love. 5) I think the routine comes natural. Once I set myself a challenge, I stick to it, and it's not even really effort. Sarah is baffled that I'm at almost 1000 days in a row on Duolingo, but for me it just doesn't even feel like work. Weird. You're rad.
1) I actually experimented with it when I was a kid: 13 licks - until I realized I could just skipp the licking and just bite through it which worked better for me.
2) Agreed on the paper: I figured it as a momentum problem - it takes more energy to pull it over the top than underneath, so the paper separates from the rest of the roll without unwinding an additional 20 squares onto the floor, which has happened to me with some frequency in various retail bathrooms.
3) Agreed: apparently on the west coast they do it the other way (???->>!!!), and I figure it's a lot easier to lightly bump the weight up when the small ones are on the outside.
4) OK, cool! Knew a lady on Livejournal back when and she had a (self-proclaimed) severe case of OCD; liked her boodles, but it was difficult for her. I have not known any autistic people - not before this century - so I wondered about that.
5) I am not great at being scheduled, but I am on my second 500-day streak on Memrise, so I understand that part. I don't quit get the gym exercise routine - working out with weights bores me to tears. My idea of working with weights is hauling a fifty-pound sack of sand on each shoulder down a steep grassy slope in the rain, barefoot, five times. (Barefoot because I slipped and managed to not fall or drop both bags, so I kicked the deck shoes off and did it that way.)
Or this thing I did Saturday - had a large bolt holding something to the underbody subframe, which had corroded away (manufacturer's defect - the subframe has to be replaced), and the bolt had been fused into the corroded section. Unfortunately there's no way to get a long socket drive under the car, but doing it from the side meant I could only turn it a 1/16th of turn each time, and only with about 3-400 lbs of torque. And I needed the bolt out intact. So I got a 2-foot section of pipe I had salvaged just for this, and it moved, a little bit and then the socket driver fell off. The upshot is that I had to continuously do this gymnast's routine to keep the drive on the bolt, and pump the section of pipe, up-down-sideways-on the knees, stand up, etc. Finally the driver on with the universal tool, the zip tie and that worked. I forgot I had a few of those muscles. So that was definitely exercise but not dull. Infuriating but not dull.
elm
...
Now you answer.
Done!
elm
back to the other thing
What’s something you absolutely believed as a youngster that turned out not to be true?
Oooh...that there was a way out of this racism mess in our country. I grew up in the South and witnessed so so so much racism, and believed with all my heart, that there was a path out of this, that a real change could happen. 41.5 years in to this life, and I honestly don't know if there is here, I just don't know. It breaks my heart but we're literally a country BUILT on it, and I worry that it is so deep deep deeply entrenched, change won't come, at least not in a lot of lifetimes. Heartbreaking, but true, this answer.
Now you. :)
Your answer is heartbreaking, and a sad universal truth. Here in Australia we have taken some great steps towards repairing the damage we did to our relationship with the Indigenous Peoples of this land, but there is still so much injustice and racism.
My answer is a lot less meaningful, I’m afraid… I grew up watching MacGyver, KnightRider, Magnum PI, etc, and I really thought having to survive gunshot wounds, car crashes, planes with no pilots, being trapped in a car underwater etc etc were far more common occurrences than they actually are. Life, thankfully, is not as perilous as 80’s TV had me believe!
Thanks for your answer, Tyler, and for creating this awesome community. You’re rad.
I liked this because I agree that we rarely “dive deeper” in our conversations with others. I really like to find out how people tick, what they think about mundane things. I make an effort to, and especially enjoy, learning what my two sons are currently thinking about. It’s hard to do this, however, due to lack of time and usually needing an atmosphere conducive to relaxed conversation. I think I could count on one hand (even if I was minus a finger or two) the number of people who really know some part of me- and sometimes I feel like no one does- mostly because they don’t ask, and I have to really trust that person to lay myself open. While I’m open about some topics, I’m not “open to answer quite literally anything, to anyone that does the asking. Nothing, is ever off-limits…” as you wrote. Most people think they know the sum of me, they assume that they do. Like you, I have revealed more in this forum over the time that I’ve been part of this group, than I have to those who I see every day or even live with. My husband stopped asking questions years ago.
Your self-deprecating humour (“Good lord, I suck at intros”) and stream of consciousness (“Gosh, I am uncomfortable in this hard chair today,” mid-sentence) always makes me smile or laugh while listening. Here’s my question: what I wonder about you is are you like your social media persona all/most/some of the time with your family and friends? You often elude to how your autism presents itself in negative ways- what are you be like during your most unpleasant moments?
I LOVE that you've revealed so much in this group, we are lucky, so very. Please keep it up, please please.
To answer you: I am always the same. Honestly, always. TO a fault. I am the same person no matter who I am around, be it royalty or convict haha. The only time that changes, is if I feel the person is racist, prejudice, whatever, then I'm just open and very honest about how I feel about that, hahaha, to a fault. And yes, my autism does present in negative ways. Sarah sees it coming, her kids see it coming, it ebbs, it flows, and sometimes I get low and quiet and not the usual silly, goofy, ALIVE person they know and love. I get very inside and lost and sad at the state of the world and mad at technology and Montana and all sorts. I think it never presents as Mean, ever, for I am not a mean person, it more just presents as being lost and quiet.
How fortunate, then, are Sarah and the kids to live with someone who is for the most part funny and even-tempered! Perhaps your low and quiet moments, when you feel the troubles of the world mostly keenly, are such a contrast to your normally “goofy” ones that they are particularly noticeable to your family.
What is your favorite book? :)
"The End of the Alphabet" by C.S. Richardson. Short and so absolutely fucking AMAZING. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I still, to this day, cannot stop thinking of it. Yours???
How do you know when to quit something and not just keep trying different ways to get to where you want to be?
I'm not sure I know how to do this at the moment. The only thing I seem to realize to get me to stop is when it no longer brings any kind of positive emotion with or no challenge intellectually.
THE MOMENT that the thing you are going for, after, chasing, wanting, stops being something that makes you feel like a Better version of yourself, a more ALIVE version of yourself, the moment it stops being something that compliments and complements who you are as a human being, let it fade. I think we hold on too tightly to things that betray the people we're made to be.
My question is: When the whole world feels really overstimulating and you feel overwhelmed what do you do to maintain the peace in your heart?
My father was suddenly diagnosed with colon cancer a couple of months ago and his recovery from surgery and upcoming chemotherapy has really shown me a side to him I’ve never seen before - he is very afraid and not at all the courageous man I have always known. My Mom is struggling with the shock and fear and they are both reaching out to me daily, leaning on me seeking therapy like emotional support that I feel unable to fully provide, refusing to contact the mental health professionals who have extended actual support. I’m trying to do all that I can to help them and and carry it all to keep everyone strong but I’m finding it all really heavy. Your poetry has always brought such calm to my heart and I wondered if you, by extension, might share what you do in moments where you feel weary and worn to help sustain yourself.
Your words and this community are, as always, a bright light in the dark for me. Thank you 💗
Such a great question Heather, and first, I am so very sorry about this diagnosis. I think bad news comes and hits people in such strange ways, it makes some people stronger, more alive, more present, whilst confronting others with their deepest fears can turn others the opposite way. SOmetimes it's revealing as to who we are, but the rub is, I think it's also something that we can recover from and bounce back from and practice. We can become braver, and the only way to do that is to confront the sadness, the hardships. Weird how that works.
When I feel overwhelmed, too pushed, too loud, I go back to breath, always breath, and work really hard on maintaining good breathing. I exercise, a lot, because it's absolute peace to push myself to physical exhaustion, it quiets so much of the noise. But the biggest thing is, carve out routines for YOU, because it's like the oxygen mask on the airplane, if you don't put yours on first, you cannot help anyone else. YOU HAVE To be ok to make others ok. Find your calm. Find your peace.
Please keep us posted on your dad, and let us know if there's anything we can do.
Tell me more about your Scotland ties...
I am 51% Scottish and 19% Welsh (per Ancestry.Com) - I would love to lean in to that more and I REALLY WANT A KILT!!!
BROTHER! Deep, deep, deep history for my side. I did the 23andme and Ancestry, and found out my entire family genetic line started as Vikings in Scandinavia, and then my maternal line filtered down and settled in Ireland, whilst my paternal line all went to Scotland. On my father's side, I'm related to Rob Roy MacGregor! On my Mom's side, turns out we descended from Niall of the 9 Hostages (look him up, holy shit). So yeah, that's why we got married in Scotland, Sarah was officially joining the clan, Gregson comes from MacGregor, and so we used our traditional family tartan for our handfasting, and even said traditional vows.
Tell me more about YOURS! Where in Scotland?! Where in Wales?!
I need to dig much much deeper.
My half sister is our genealogy expert…
From everything I have read this quote is what gets repeated time and again
“The surname Colvin was first found in Kirkcudbrightshire (Gaelic: Siorrachd Chille Chuithbheirt), part of the present day Council Area of Dumfries and Galloway, former county in Southwestern Scotland, where the family held a family seat in ancient times.”
I honestly haven’t found much about the Welsh side of things. That is on my Maternal side and info is not as historically stacked on her side unfortunately.
"Before we were Yours" by Lisa Wingate. Based on the heartbreaking true scandal of Georgia Tann, a woman whose Memphis adoption center kidnapped and sold poor children to wealthy families. It's based on the real-life abuses perpetrated by Georgia Tann. I've screen shot your reply so I'll remember to read.
Thank you!! :)
OOOH, this sounds so goooood.
It is! When you have time, give it a read! I have another question for you. 😬
This is so true. If another person asks me about what I do for a living or my marital status, I'm going to scream. Everyone always asks each other the most boring questions and it drives me crazy. I'm all for someone asking me random, fun, engaging, or even deep questions. If I'm going to talk about myself, I want it to be meaningful, not just mindless small talk.
My question for you: What is a scent that you immediately associate with your grandparent's house? What scent will instantly take you back to a specific childhood memory with your grandparents? Paint me a picture of the scent and the memory.
Hey Tyler, here is a question to get to know you better, but one that I do not think I can reciprocate! I'm sure all of us Signal Fire members would love to learn more about you -- would you consider sharing your answers to some of the prompts/questions you ask us each week? No pressure to answer them all because can only imagine the number of hours you already commit to this community...... But it would be fun to see answers too, when you have the energy or desire to share! :D